Quiz: Which NFL Coach Are You In The Bedroom?
NFL coaches either get the job done, or they’re kicked to the curb holding their junk. This quiz might not get you to the big game, but it’ll tell you which head coach you are in the bedroom — brag about your results to your friends.
As a sex partner, I am:
- Vanilla, but no one can argue with my track record
- Good at getting my partner hot and bothered, but shrink in the big moment
- Wait…sign this NDA first
- Enraptured with my partner’s limitless grace
Foreplay is:
- Watching game film to clean up previous mistakes
- Finding some hot new stranger off the street to put in the “game”
- What the fuck is ‘foreplay’?
- Drinking in the intoxicating nectar of my partner’s effervescent aura
Your safe-word is:
- “Tom”
- “If you deviate from my play call again I will replace you with Sam Darnold”
- “Legally you have to tell me if you’re a police officer”
- “Cheeseburger”
My favorite position is:
- Long Snapper
- Asking my Dad what to do next
- Barely legal lapdance
- When we go deep, my sweet
After sex, you can find me:
- “On to Cincinnati”
- Blaming Jimmy Garoppolo for my inability to finish
- Telling my offensive coordinator to cover for me if my wife calls
- Returning again and again to your endless buffet of pleasure
ANSWERS:
MOSTLY 1’s – You’re Bill Belichick
You’re all business. Your attention to detail leaves your partners satisfied, but you’d be much happier alone watching ‘PuntHub.’
MOSTLY 2’s – You’re Kyle Shanahan
You have all the knowledge and skill to get it done, but when the big moment arrives you blow your lead too early and leave everyone unsatisfied.
MOSTLY 3’s – You’re Urban Meyer
We’re calling the cops.
MOSTLY 4’s – You’re Andy Reid
Take us into your strong arms and carry us away to your love kingdom, you chub stud.
