A lot of self help “experts” will tell you thousands of ways to improve yourself. Reading, meaningful relationships, talking about feelings. I’m here to tell you that’s all goddamn nonsense. Now, drop and give me 20.
The journey to 20 was a long one. I was broke, weak, and at the edge. I followed the advice of those closest to me. I tried taking a lap, and nothing. Hell, I even hit the showers, and still felt empty. Then one day, my dad, laying on his deathbed, looked me right in the eyes, and whispered “drop and give me 20, you giant vagina.” However, I was young and stupid, and hadn’t given myself 20 in a long, long time. I could only give him 10, and he looked at me with such disappointment before the light left his eyes. Never again.
Others have ignored my advice. One time, I had a friend get cute and gave me 20 burpees. I immediately cut him out of my life, and last I heard, could barely do a crunch. You know who had the foresight in 1994 to drop and give me 20? Jeff Bezos. Bezos dropped, gave me 20, and then started Amazon. You think he would be where he is today if he only gave me 10?
It doesn’t matter if it’s 4 AM. Be ready to give me 20. Grocery store? Put down that soy milk, and give me 20. Having a nervous breakdown? 20. Birth of your child? You better be popping out 20.
If you’ve made it this far, you’ve already failed. Reading this article is not the same as dropping and giving me 20. So, get on your fucking hands, and GIVE ME 20.