Daniel Snyder Opens Up Franchise Of Scandal Escape Rooms

On top of owning an NFL franchise, the tirelessly creative Snyder has once again profited from his expert-level skill of escaping scandals by opening a chain of team-scandal-oriented escape room experiences around the country.


Featuring the popular “Quarterly Report” escape room, where paying participants must convince a board of investors how they lost over $150 million over the year’s last financial quarter, the brilliant twist of Snyder’s escape rooms is that every room has two ways out: You help them brainstorm and solve their devastating problem, or you pay off the escape room operator to let you go.


The evident growth potential of his unorthodox business model has Snyder expected to reveal at least five more escape room concepts by this fall. Some of his recent successful rooms, including “The Yearly Performance Review,” “Are These Tax Exempt Donations?” and “Shred These Documents,” have garnered criticisms from the U.S. House Oversight and Reform Committee based on Snyder’s “show some nips, get some tips” workplace culture.


“Participation in the escape room is at the individual’s own risk and entirely voluntary,” Snyder’s legal team said in a press release.


While Snyder is calling his franchise of rooms “Snyder Escapes,” anxious fans can’t wait to see what escape he’ll think of next. His latest room to open in New Jersey, “The-Two-Minute-Warning,” forces everyone in the room to watch him have sex with a prostitute in front of his proud father. Somehow, despite its popularity with white males over 40, this escape room is still the worst in the NFC East.




Writer: Thomas

Editor: Zach