Eco Win! Qatar Debuts Soccer Stadiums Built Entirely From Recycled Bodies

In one of the boldest moves yet to counteract climate disaster, the president of Qatar’s Government Development Bureau, Rizwan bin Nasir Al-Fayyad, announced on Thursday that all World Cup stadiums currently under construction will now be required to be comprised of 95-percent migrant laborer bodies.

“With all the energy we will need to use to cool the stadiums, we have heard your criticisms loudly and clearly,” stated Al-Fayyad, who also mentioned that thanks to his country’s relaxed labor laws and the kafala system’s innovative method of rapid passport confiscation, the material itself could be sourced quickly and basically for free. “By switching over to this completely organic, biodegradable material, we hope to demonstrate our unique commitment to preserving humanity—both figuratively and literally.”

According to the government’s environmental impact report, use of migrant bodies has the potential to reduce carbon dioxide emissions by a staggering 100 percent as soon as the material is harvested. Al-Fayyad also noted that, unlike traditional materials, the bodies were an entirely renewable resource, with a new crop of migrant laborer able to be collected in as little as 18 years, although he did note it was important not to let the material mature much longer than this to avoid development of class consciousness.

Although the material has never been used before, the unique choice is already making waves in the international community, with nations such as China, Saudi Arabia, and North Korea indicating that they are already developing pilot programs of their own to test the material’s efficacy.

As for the initial program, if it proves successful, Qatar plans to implement a second phase of sustainable development whereby the new steel used to build the stadiums’ bleachers would instead be replaced by rows of living migrant laborers for attendees to sit on.

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Article: John

Editor: Constantine

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