From Gymnastics To Golf: We Rank The Best Sports You Can’t Afford To Play

If you’re poor gutter trash like us at Sports Riot and don’t make seven figures a month, here’s the top five sports your trailer-park piece-of-garbage-ass shouldn’t even fantasize about playing:



It’s expensive to run a gym. And the lawsuit payouts from harboring predators can get insane. That’s why some gymnastics lessons can run $200 a week, which is a lot of money to learn you can’t do more than summersault. Looks like you’ll be sticking to flipping on your rusted-out trampoline for the low, low cost of one tetanus shot.



Don’t let ‘The Mighty Ducks” fool you. Poor kids can’t afford the ice time, equipment, or loads of disgusting pads that stink up their parents’ pathetic three-bed, two-bath house. And for us middle-class scum, it’s either street hockey or living on the street after trying to afford the real thing which would also lead to street hockey.


  1. POLO

Not only do you have to have the money to buy and maintain a horse — which can run up to $20,000 a year — but you also have to shell out money for horse swimming lessons, too. That’s on top of acquiring a pool big enough to fit every player’s horse, many of which need to be replaced after they drown. Annoying!



That’s right: Human Hunting. If you thought it shouldn’t cost more than the price of a gun to hunt people, think again. Not only do you have to be an eccentric billionaire, but you also need to own your own island.  And after that, prepare to cough up millions in payouts for local police to look the other way. But hey, we bums can still be the hunted!!


  1. GOLF

No doubt about it: Golf is for rich assholes who blow their noses in 1500 thread count sheets and use Uber Black to get from hole to hole. Slobs like us in our Dockers won’t even be let past the gate.