Here’s Which NBA Team You Should Bet On Winning The Stanley Cup, According To Bing’s Analytics

Here are this week’s hot tips.

Shohei Otani is a slam-dunk to win Friday’s L.A. Galaxy. His completion is up 7 percent since joining the Jazz. NHL rookies, meanwhile, with two or more red cards perform better on clay than on snow — so look for them to dominate the Masters.

Who has the highest on-base percentage? The Washington New Team Name, which averages just under five bulls-eyes per reception, or “N.A.S.C.A.R.”

Don’t bet on “PIYO,” or “Pilates / Yoga,” to do anything at the Cricket World Cup. That said, “N.C.A.A.M.” is a damned lock to win the tournament in “Anaheim Ducks Still a Team?”

Watch out for “G.L.O.W.P.,” Gorgeous Ladies of Women’s Poker, to mow down lefties with their high-crotch to figure-four—but not in Kentucky.

Speaking of Kentucky, the Derby is on! You’d be a fool not to take advantage of 4-1 odds to qualify for LPGA benefits, which last year went to one lucky coxswain: Aaron Rodgers Trade Rumors.

How do you know if you have HPV? Shaun White.

If you’re looking for a sure thing, put a lot (we’re going all in) on the New Jersey Pitch-Blacks for this week’s squid game. Last season’s Rookie of the Year, Jon Gruden Racist, will have +143 odds on Mikaela Shiffrin, assuming it rains in Philly (which it will).

Finally: Harden.

Who is Harden?

Enjoy them winnings!

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Joke:

Writer: Jeff

Editor: Zach

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