NBA Finals Prediction: Charles Barkley Enjoys Hotel Buffet

The stage is finally set for the NBA Finals, and while the series could go any way given how the playoffs have already unfolded, we’re comfortable making one bold prediction: TNT analyst and Hall of Fame player Charles Barkley, who has been training for this since the end of his playing days, is going to really enjoy the hotel buffet.

It’s always difficult to predict major events in the preseason, such as what hotels Barkley will stay in, but the analytics point to some key conclusions. At Hyatt hotels, for example, Barkley attacks three times as many egg, bacon, and cheese croissants than he does at Hilton hotels, leading to an impressive 0.856 dough lamination percentage.

“After dominating the regular season buffet line up at Double Trees nationwide, Barkley is poised to attack a medium-rare ribeye from the outside for an offensive onslaught the serving staff have never before witnessed,” TNT analyst Greg Anthony said, further noting the absence of key injuries to the Round Mound of Rebound’s GI tract. “Nutritionists love his hot-plates-per-serving ratio, so Barkley will demolish this meal.”

While Barkley will have to contend with a notable increase in blood pressure this year, Marriott’s new low-sodium, heart-healthy options mean the fitness and performance of the NBA legend cannot be called into question as he methodically builds his championship-winning spread that includes brie cheese, grapes, and Carr’s whole wheat snacking crackers.

If Barkley can find a way to maneuver freely from the dinner buffet to the soft serve machine, then look out—he will capture his fifth-straight buffet clean-out in four.