Articles
Report: If We Can’t Football No More, What Can Do? By: Robert Gronkowski
Football! Now that football gone, does mean gone forever? What are we when football leave? I am football man Robert Gronkowski and I asking: When we can’t football no more,
Report: ESPN NFL Power Rankings List To Enjoy 6 Months Of Wild, Baseless Speculation
ESPN assured fans Monday that, though they won’t see another official down until Labor Day, the network will continue to pump out cutting-edge, unfounded, and downright bizarre guesswork for its
Report: “Elder Abuse” And 5 Other Crimes Travis Kelce Can Get Away With
Travis Kelce is America’s Tight End. He wins Super Bowls, dates starlets, and abuses elders. You love it. We love it. Like – what can’t he do? More importantly —
Unlikely Allies: This Eagles Fan And This Cowboys Fan Just Put Their Differences Aside To Burn Down A Homeless Encampment
In a heartwarming display of burying the hatchet, longtime rival fans of the Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys announced that they would be calling a temporary truce in order to
Pretty Cool, We Guess: This Zoo’s Tortoise Has Successfully Predicted 6 Of The Past 57 Super Bowl Winners
Like all of America, the town of Jasper, Indiana is fired up for this year’s Super Bowl. Unlike all of America, it’s because of a tortoise: Johnny U-Tortoise. Every year
Lamar Jackson Has That Dream Again Where He’s In The Stands And Mahomes Goes Down And The Chiefs Need A Quarterback
Speaking to reporters on a Zoom call from the bed where he had just awoken drenched in sweat, Ravens superstar Lamar Jackson confirmed that he had once again had that
Biologists Discover Missing Link Between Humans And Bosas
Researchers at the Ohio State University confirmed they have made a major evolutionary breakthrough in their discovery of the missing link between humans and Bosas. A decade ago, OSU biologist
Can’t Wait: Lions Excited To Return To NFC Championship 33 Years From Now
Still on an all time high from their 34–31 loss to the Niners in January, the Detroit Lions returned home to a parade thrown by the city. The Lions and
‘The Unabomber Shuffle’ and 5 Other Banned Touchdown Celebrations
Ask any NFL oldhead, and they’ll tell you touchdown dances were once the highlight of the games. But as usual, the “No-Fun League” had to stick their noses in and
Philadelphia Report: Baby Surprisingly Hard To Throw Onto Field
Sources have informed Sports Riot that a long and hallowed Philadelphia tradition dating back to 1987 went off without a hitch last night. As is tradition, a baby must be
Debate Time: Can A Ram Kill A Lion? Aaron Rodgers Got Us High As Fuck And Now We’re Arguing With Him
We’ll report back with the final debate results after the room stops spinning, right now our hands feel really incredible and the world is connected to the universe through love
Report: A Kelce Brother Is Probably Fucking Right Now
A shocking new study released by the NFL has revealed that, given any moment chances are, a Kelce brother is likely having sex. Whether it is a global pop superstar
Mayor Of Cleveland Prepares To Set Fire To River Again Before Next Watson Allegations Drop
In anticipation for Saturday’s playoff game, Cleveland mayor Justin Bibb announced Wednesday a $2.1 million measure to prepare the Cuyahoga River to catch fire immediately in the case that Browns