Planet Fitness Founder Reveals There Really Is A Planet Called “Fitness” Where Everything Is A Disgusting Shade Of Purple

The founder of Planet Fitness stunned the world today by revealing that there actually is a planet called “Fitness” several light-years away from the Milky Way galaxy where everything is the same disgusting shade of purple.

Corbin Jub, who began the Planet Fitness chain and claims to be a native of the far away planet, shared his revelation on the gym’s Instagram page. “It’s time to tell the truth,” he wrote, “you were right to suspect that our company’s revolting purple could only come from an extraterrestrial source.”

Jub went on to explain in the post that every inch of his home planet—including all people, buildings, animals, and objects—is the same horrific purple as found in his gyms, and proved an effective measure to keep “lunks,” or those who take fitness seriously, off his planet.

Though his native planet values fitness, Jub emphasized it’s not required. “The people of Fitness are a mildly-active, budget-conscious species,” he wrote, “who have utilized the planet’s color to repel super-ripped lunks who make those of us eating pizza and tootsie rolls on a treadmill feel bad about ourselves.”

Jub knew planet Earth, particularly the United States, would appreciate his home planet’s cheap, sedentary, and unmotivated approach to fitness and opened his first gym in 1992 to instant success.

“No lunk is ever going to walk into the purple nightmare that is a Planet Fitness and think it’s a legitimate place to get in shape,” Jub said. “And that has been our intergalactic mission.”