Racism Over: This Golf Ball Is Black

For nearly 400 years, systemic racism has oppressed and killed hundreds of millions on golf courses across America. No more. Thankfully, Titleist has created a United States Golf Association-certified black golf ball, definitively marking the end of racism and mercifully closing this cruel chapter of American history.

“We’re proud to carry the civil rights torch forward, break the racial golf ball barrier, and take a firm stand in ending the pain and suffering millions have faced for generations on the putting green,” said Titleist spokesperson Gary Grady.

This is exactly what civil rights icons had in mind when they marched from golf course to golf course in the 1960s, often forced off the bridge connecting the 17th and 18th holes by white men in white golf carts, and it’s beautiful to see that Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s dream of driving a black golf ball 520-yards for a hole-in-one on a par-4 has come to fruition.

“I have no choice but to disavow a lifetime of prejudice toward any minority because of the sweet ultra-lightweight performance this black ball offers,” said Wyatt Bradley, a now former white supremacist leader. “It’s transformed the way I view my short game.”

If you want to purchase a piece of black history, a box of Titleist black golf balls sells for $60 at local sports marketplaces, where you can inspect them before buying, but hurry, this offer is valid until the white people behind this get bored with their money and do something else.