Report: Caitlin Clark Proud To Be Only Woman Americans Currently Care About

WNBA superstar Caitlin Clark expressed her heartfelt honor today in being crowned the only woman Americans currently care about. The Indiana Fever guard took to Instagram to share her gratitude for the one-in-168.6-million title.

“Thank you, America. You had a lot of great options – from scientists to Tik Tok tradwives. But there could only be one, and you chose me,” Clark wrote under a photo of her and Taylor Swift, who abdicated her title to the basketball phenom. “I will do my best to follow in the footsteps of the women who earned this spot before me, like Michelle Obama and Octomom.”

A handful of women that America used to care about took to the comment section to offer Clark advice. “You speak for all women now. Every ethnicity, age, and sexual orientation. Don’t blow this like I did,” wrote Hillary Clinton. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez added, “I’m glad it’s you and not Lauren Boebert again. Use your platform for good!” Likewise, Malala Yousafzai left scores of fire emojis.

Clark noted that today marked the first time that a female sports star has held the mantle since Brandi Chastain took off her shirt in 1999. Before that, only Tanya Harding in 1994 and Billie Jean King in 1973 managed the feat, while simultaneously holding duo honors as the most hated woman in America.

For her part, Clark says she looks forward to representing every woman from everywhere in the US, on every issue. “I was hoping to just dribble and shoot basketballs like I’ve worked my whole life to do,” she admitted, “but this is an interesting challenge. I guess I’ll give my opinion on IVF to the world, even though that should be a female Supreme Court justice’s job.”

Currently, there is no known limit on how many men Americans can care about at once. As of publication, Clark holds the 57th overall spot, beating out the Miles Morales Spiderman and ranking just below Joe Rogan.