Report: Everyone In Yoga Class Way Ahead Of You

We’re coming to you live from the Bikram Wellness Center on Ventura Blvd., – where honestly – you don’t stand a chance to finish this yoga class. Tonight’s guest yoga guru is none other than Baba Ramdev, and his “No limits” philosophy has earned him the nickname throughout India as “The Bombay Bad Boy.” With the average student in tonight’s yoga class having 5% body fat, you know, they know, you know they know that you’re fucked. 

“Baba knows just where to push my boundaries. Nobody can get me in shape before a triathlon like he can,” shared a regular student at the Bikram Center who you have no hope of ever competing with. “Ha! I do yoga on my cheat day. It’s just relaxing after combatting forest wildfires the other six days of the week,” lamented another shredded student and firefighter who led the chit-chat with the factoid that he can hold his breath underwater for five minutes. 

Remember – you’re not them. Yoga is for everyone, just push, push, push your limits. And, try not to shit your pants.