What A Waste: Make A Wish Kid Chooses To Attend Minnesota Timberwolves Game

In a move that shocked the entire nonprofit industry, terminally ill child Danny Velasquez wasted his once in a lifetime Make-A-Wish on tickets to a Minnesota Timberwolves game. Velasquez reportedly squandered his one and only opportunity to do whatever his heart desired on $110 lower-level seats he could have just asked his parents for.


“I regret referring him to the program,” said Velasquez’s oncologist, Dr. Jeremy Weiss, adding that he made certain Velasquez knew he could have anything in the entire world. “He’s not even from Minnesota. He just likes their logo and sometimes plays as the Timberwolves on NBA 2K23. He could’ve sat courtside with John Cena to watch Lebron play Steph, but instead he’s going to see a middling T-Wolves team play the Kings in Minnesota during the winter.”


Velasquez’s wish granter reported that while his request was unorthodox, she was required to grant it. “It’s unprofessional to judge but seriously, come on. Last week, Little Tommy Andrich swam with sharks in the Caribbean, and Maggie Baumann sang a duet with Beyonce. Now those were wishes. I didn’t get into this business to secure tickets to the Target Center with local talk radio legend Dan ’The Common Man’ Cole.”


Velasquez’s parents implored their son to place more value on his life and take a daytrip to the Mall of America, Paisley Park, or even swing by the Mayo Clinic for a potential life-saving cure. Unfortunately, Velasquez just shook his head and said: “TIMBERWOLVES.”