2021 Olympic Basketball Kicks Off With Stirring Tribute To The Many NBA Players Who Couldn’t Be Bothered To Show Up

In a touching display of affection after a difficult year, the tip-off to the 2021 Olympic Basketball tournament was preceded by a tasteful tribute to the many NBA players who couldn’t be bothered to show up. Fans of every nationality were visibly moved by the Jumbotron slideshow set to Clapton’s “Tears in Heaven,” despite it mostly featuring Americans.

“It’s just a tragedy so many superstars were cut down in their primes by the pressing demands of offseason binge-watching obligations,” a distraught red-white-and-blue-clad American fan, Stephen Mills, told reporters outside at the stadium’s candlelight vigil. “I heard LeBron and Curry had pre-existing apathy and Jimmy Buckets caught a case of the fishing trip. Mixed with afternoon naps, those are death sentences for honoring your country once every four years.” 

While Nikola Jokic, Kawhi Leonard, Anthony Davis, James Harden, Chris Paul, Kyle Lowry, Russell Westbrook, and Donovan Mitchell all had career years, it is believed a plague of indifference swept through the locker rooms during the All-Star weekend infecting the athletes’ abilities to exert effort for any reason other than millions of dollars.

“It was such an emotional experience to light the funeral pyre of NBA jerseys at half court with the Olympic torch,” U.S. gold medalist Simone Biles told Bob Costas while choking back tears. “Never in my life could I have imagined so many heroes to millions of young children missing from an event that cultivates peace and love on a worldwide scale.”