LESSER SPORTS

“We’re going to outperform Qatar in the 2034 World Cup.”
–Saudi Arabia, on the amount of human rights violations they hope to commit

“I’d watch them for hours as a kid. They were my greatest inspiration.”
–Simone Biles, on Auntie Anne’s Pretzels

FIFA Considers Expanding World Cup To More Worlds
As the 2026 World Cup comes to a close, FIFA is already planning how to make the 2030 tournament a bigger affair than ever before. In fact, the next competition

Opinion: It’s Been Too Long And Now I’m Afraid To Ask; What Is Argentina?
There comes a point in every adult’s life when pretending becomes more exhausting than ignorance. For me, that point is Argentina. I’ve spent years nodding through conversations about Argentina with

Stephen Miller Furious With How Much World Is At This World Cup
The World Cup has seen 47 nations descend on North America. Each has shared the rich tapestry of their cultures along with a unified love for the game of soccer.

Historic World Cup Hat Trick For 38-Year-Old Confirms Soccer Is Really Fucking Easy
They call it the Beautiful Game: a poetic ballet of heart and tactical genius serving as the ultimate test of physical endurance and unmatched skill. But after watching 38-year-old senior

President Trump Crowned Presidentweight Champion At UFC 250
With America’s semiquincentennial approaching, UFC Freedom 250 added another page to the history books. The South Lawn cheered Sunday night as President Donald Trump, emerging from behind a metal cross

Tiger Woods Announces Return To Adultery
The GOAT is back. Tiger Woods, the gallivanting gaslighter of all time, recently let the world know that he’s worked tirelessly to put his monogamy behind him and come back

Report: Most Americans Under 30 Don’t Believe the 1980 Miracle on Ice Happened Without Any Gay Sex
Olympic historians are now facing a “cock-ophany” of naysayers. A recent study has revealed the majority of Gen Z believes the Cold War hockey phenomenon “Miracle on Ice” could not

Pathetic: No One On Women’s Olympic Hockey Team Can Dunk
Team USA officials confirmed Monday that not a single player on the U.S. women’s Olympic hockey roster can dunk a basketball, a revelation some analysts immediately described as “a devastating






