LESSER SPORTS

“I wish that herd of cats would stop gathering anytime they announce my name.”
–Stefanos Tsitsipas, on the one change he would have made Wimbledon

“I mean, my first name is Brooks. Did you really expect me to be a good person?”
–Brooks Koepka, on joining LIV Golf

“Can you imagine someone you trusted the most going behind your back to cheat on you?”
–Tiger Woods, on his fellow golfers joining LIV

Oh Fuck Oh Shit! Someone In A Wheelchair Just Asked If You Watched The Paralympics!
A person in a wheelchair has approached you. Oh, FUCK. Oh, SHIT. We can tell – this is going to be a Paralympics conversation. Did you watch any this year?

“Cole Hocker” And 3 Other Olympian Names That Made Us Just A Little Horny
This “Cole Hocker” has us a little worked up. That name – damn. Who else’s olympic flag is at full mast? It’s not just Hocker, though. There’s a few other

We Pay Tribute To The 5 Greatest Athletes Out Of North Korea
It is our privilege to be selected by HUMANE AND GRACIOUS LEADER to compile the finest list of our homeland’s greatest athletes. Here are North Korea’s (and the universe’s) best

All You Uncultured Sluts Watched The New Deadpool Movie Over The Olympics. We Did Too, Here’s Our Review.
If you’re reading this, we know who you are. More importantly “what” you are. The assignment was simple. Watch the Olympics. Have a smear of class. But you couldn’t. All

How 5 Underdog Circles Became The Olympic Rings We Know Today
Blue, black, red, yellow, green. Sure, we recognize them NOW as the cosmopolitan Olympic rings, palling around at international soirees, taking selfies, and linking arm-in-arm to represent strength and achievement.

Barack Obama and 5 Other Olympic Snubs
Despite leading our country for two terms as President, smoking weed in college, and killing Bin Laden, former president Barack Obama was not asked, dare we say “snubbed”, the ultimate

Opinion: I’m No Fan Of The Olympics, But I Don’t Think Killing The Athletes Is A Reasonable Alternative
Remember the 1972 Olympics? Jeez – those were the good ole days. Remember when only 11 of the 7,134 athletes were murdered? I have a particular bone to pick with

Embracing His Heritage: Michael Phelps Embarks On Birthright Trip
According to aquatic sources, 23 time Olympic winner, Michael Phelps, feeling the need to be around his family, has embarked on his annual pilgrimage. Although it is an arduous journey





