LESSER SPORTS

“Playing outside, in Mexico, as a ginger.”
–Canelo Alvarez, on how he learned to tolerate physical pain

“It’s a marathon.”
–Eliud Kipchoge, 8-time marathon winner, after watching one game of baseball

How You Can Help Us Get Hockey Canceled
Earlier last week our editors tasked us with writing a side article on “professional ice hockey.” We’d thought it disbanded in 1921 but were presented data of “The Stanley Cup”

To Maintain Views For The Big Fight, Jake Paul Calls Out Goku
Jake Paul, in lieu of his postponed fight with Mike Tyson, has challenged the next greatest fighter on Earth: champion of the 23rd World Martial Arts Tournament and Super Saiyan,

In Memoriam: The NHL 1917 – 1924
Today marks the 100 year anniversary of the death of the greatest “hockey” league the world had ever seen. The NHL, or “National Hockey League,” in its time was reportedly

You Asked, We Ignored: Here Comes More Horse Content!
In anticipation of last week’s Kentucky Derby, we here at Sports Riot spent several months preparing appropriate content. We spoke to the owner of Mystic Dan about the art of

Winning Kentucky Derby Owner Credits Success To Picking Right Two Horses To Fuck Each Other
The 150th Kentucky Derby took place at Churchill Downs today, with Mystik Dan coming out on top. And when Lance Gasaway, Mystik Dan’s owner, was asked what he credited most

Down To Earth: These Champion Thoroughbreds Eat From A Slop Bucket, Just Like You And Me
One would think Kentucky Derby superstars like American Pharaoh, Wise Dan, or California Chrome would look down their white-striped noses at anything less than the finest apples and oats. But

Quiz: Are You Wealthy And Inbred Enough To Sit In The Front Row Of The Kentucky Derby?
This year’s Kentucky Derby promises to attract all sorts of folks to Louisville’s Churchill Downs, but only a select few have what it takes to nab front-row seats. Here’s a

“It’s Masters Week” And 5 Other Phrases To Get The Whites Excited
The Masters tournament begins. Can you smell it in the air? The whites can, and they are “jazzed!” Are there other phrases like “it’s Masters week” that will get the






