You Asked, We Ignored: Here Comes More Horse Content!

In anticipation of last week’s Kentucky Derby, we here at Sports Riot spent several months preparing appropriate content. We spoke to the owner of Mystic Dan about the art of picking the winning horse through correct-horse-banging-selection of the parents, a deep dive into slop buckets, and even a fun quiz to determine if you were wealthy and inbred enough for the Derby’s frontrow. We could tell by all the long faces that you hated it.

SO – YOU DIDN’T ASK FOR IT, AND WE IGNORED IT! HERE COMES MORE HORSE CONTENT!

“We have taken proactive steps to ensure that all horse content is verified, researched, and professional. We even hired the 2010 Kentucky Derby winner, Super Saver, as our new Editor-In-Chief,” said Sports Riot’s President and CEO. “It might seem atypical to hire a 14-hand horse as a writer, but we feel Super Saver is the glue that holds us together.”

Doubling down on our dedication to horse content, we’re proud to announce that we are now rebranding as Horse Riot and we invite you all to #JoinTheGallop! We’re aiming for a colt following and believe with your help, we can be the third-highest horse satire publication behind The New Yorker and Reductress.

It’s time to forget lesser sports like football and basketball, because it’s horse-o-clock around the clock at Horse Riot!

Comment below with your favorite horse-related fact! (Please hurry – the comment box can only hold upwards of 10,000 comments).