Concerned Fan: I’ve Just Been Informed Of Jackie Robinson

Like any red-blooded American, I love apple pie and baseball. And I was SHOCKED to learn about someone named “Jackie Robinson” playing America’s game.

Look, I’ve seen A League of Their Own. I’ve heard of the fabled “other leagues” back in the ‘20’s. You don’t have to tell me all the folktales with mythic minority heroes like “Dottie Hinson” and “Satchel Paige.” We all like a good game of pretend.

But a real person named Jackie Robinson? Playing my game? Is that what “baseball” has become? People named “Jackie Robinson,” playing alongside greats like Mike Schmidt, Randy Johnson, Cal Ripken Jr, Cal Ripken Sr., Billy Ripken . . . I could go on. All of these players have one thing in common. And, when you look at them – It’s pretty obvious what that is.

I’m not objecting! I’m just concerned by this new way of thinking.

How am I just hearing about this? And here’s the worst part: I hear “Jackie Robinson” is totally changing the game!

I just can’t believe they let a woman named “Jackie” in the MLB. The “M” stands for “men,” for Lord’s sake!

All the players I listed above are MEN. That’s baseball. Or at least it was. Honestly, I don’t know what baseball is anymore.

Word is, “Jackie” has opened the gate for other women. SANDY Koufax. ALEX Rodriguez. BABE RUTH (two women’s names together?!). That’s two Dodgers, two Yankees.

I mean, sheesh. Letting a girl play with the boys? What’s next? We allow players from countries we dropped the atomic bombs on? I thought this was America!

You know what, though? Good for them. Let women play. My therapist tells me that’s “progress.”

But, I just gotta say this: it’s high time the MLB allowed black players to play ball, too! Honestly – get with the times.