FOOTBALL
NFL To Put All 257 Draftees On Suicide Watch Ahead Of Goodell Announcing, “The Carolina Panthers Select…”
“Ask not what your Aaron Rodgers can do for you, ask what you can do for your Aaron Rodgers.”
–Aaron Rodgers, Vice Presidential candidate
“Now that everyone can do it publicly, it ruins the years I tirelessly spent doing it privately.”
–Nick Saban, on the NIL
“Man oh man! Aaron Rodgers for Vice President??! Kinda makes me jealous to be honest. Damn, I wish I had what Aaron has.”
–Aaron Rodgers, to his bathroom cactus
Report: If We Can’t Football No More, What Can Do? By: Robert Gronkowski
Football! Now that football gone, does mean gone forever? What are we when football leave? I am football man Robert Gronkowski and I asking: When we can’t football no more,
Report: ESPN NFL Power Rankings List To Enjoy 6 Months Of Wild, Baseless Speculation
ESPN assured fans Monday that, though they won’t see another official down until Labor Day, the network will continue to pump out cutting-edge, unfounded, and downright bizarre guesswork for its
Report: “Elder Abuse” And 5 Other Crimes Travis Kelce Can Get Away With
Travis Kelce is America’s Tight End. He wins Super Bowls, dates starlets, and abuses elders. You love it. We love it. Like – what can’t he do? More importantly —
Unlikely Allies: This Eagles Fan And This Cowboys Fan Just Put Their Differences Aside To Burn Down A Homeless Encampment
In a heartwarming display of burying the hatchet, longtime rival fans of the Philadelphia Eagles and Dallas Cowboys announced that they would be calling a temporary truce in order to
Pretty Cool, We Guess: This Zoo’s Tortoise Has Successfully Predicted 6 Of The Past 57 Super Bowl Winners
Like all of America, the town of Jasper, Indiana is fired up for this year’s Super Bowl. Unlike all of America, it’s because of a tortoise: Johnny U-Tortoise. Every year
Lamar Jackson Has That Dream Again Where He’s In The Stands And Mahomes Goes Down And The Chiefs Need A Quarterback
Speaking to reporters on a Zoom call from the bed where he had just awoken drenched in sweat, Ravens superstar Lamar Jackson confirmed that he had once again had that
Biologists Discover Missing Link Between Humans And Bosas
Researchers at the Ohio State University confirmed they have made a major evolutionary breakthrough in their discovery of the missing link between humans and Bosas. A decade ago, OSU biologist
Can’t Wait: Lions Excited To Return To NFC Championship 33 Years From Now
Still on an all time high from their 34–31 loss to the Niners in January, the Detroit Lions returned home to a parade thrown by the city. The Lions and