FOOTBALL

Stefon Diggs Grateful Most Patriots Fans Too Consistently Drunk To Remember He Used To Play For Rival Ream

“He had a missle crisis in his pants, too.”
–Virginia McCaskey, on her brief relationship with JFK

“Is Joy Taylor looking for employment??”
–Jerry Jones, frantically calling every number in his phone

NFL Once Again Reminds Jacksonville Optimus Prime Not Available To Draft
With the NFL draft just days away, the league is almost ready for the biggest event of the offseason. There was just one last piece of unfinished business: Commissioner Roger

Sports Riot Investigates: Who Was CJ Stroud?
There are many unanswered mysteries in the NFL. How did TMZ get the Ray Rice tape? Why was Maclom Butler benched in Super Bowl LII? Did Tom Brady put a

Report: Nation Can’t Handle “Horny Mike Vrabel” on Top of Everything Else
The war with Iran. The Epstein Files. The conflict in Gaza. 2026 is already poised to be one of the most heated, controversial, and eventful years in recent memory. So

Browns Willing To Offer 3 First Rounders To Raiders For Maxx Crosby If He’s Willing To Throw In Achilles Tear And 24 Assault Allegations
The Browns are rumored to be closing in on a trade for star defensive end Maxx Crosby, though with some conditions attached. Namely, insiders say the organization would like to

Jacksonville Residents Gather To Debate Length Of Two-Minute Warning
Now that the football season is finally over, Jacksonville’s brightest minds met at city hall to debate the most important issue of their time: exactly how long is the two

Mel Kiper Cautions Colleagues It’s Never Too Early To Start Observing Young Men
Want to break through in sports journalism? Veteran ESPN football analyst Mel Kiper Jr. has one piece of advice for you: Start observing young men early — and often. Kiper,

Gronk Reveals Mount Rushmore of Dinosaurs
In this day and age, everyone seems to be creating and debating their own sports Mount Rushmores. So unsurprisingly, former NFL player and current Fox NFL Sunday cohost, Rob Gronkowski,

Pope’s Punk-Ass Been Awfully Quiet Since Divisional Round
Even though football is a religion for many Chicagoans, the Catholic community was still flabbergasted when Pope Leo XIV donned a Rome Odunze jersey and cheese grater foam hat in





