FOOTBALL
Sideline Reporter Just Gonna Pretend There Isn’t Blood Gushing From Quarterback’s Ear During Halftime Interview
“I’ve never been more passionate about a cause. An entire month dedicated to big natural titties? Hell yeah, here to help!”
–Jerry Jones, on Breast Cancer Awareness Month
“I think it’s important to take the time to thank them for the service they provide this great country.”
–Matt Ryan, on stopping at railroad crossings to salute train conductors
“It wasn’t easy growing up with my name, but it could have been a lot worse.”
–Dick Butkus, on his cousin Penis McRimjob
Derrick Henry Apologizes For Derailing Train During Morning Jog
Speaking for the first time since the Titans playoff elimination this past weekend, Derrick Henry addressed questions regarding Henry absentmindedly derailing a commuter train during his morning jog. The Tennessee
Drew Brees Takes A Breather While Taysom Hill Bangs His Wife
As a gadget quarterback, Taysom Hill has been used in a variety of different ways throughout his career. This season, however, the Saints have had to get creative in order
Overrated? Patrick Mahomes Hasn’t Even Won Seven Super Bowls
Patrick Mahomes has been talked about in high terms, even getting called by some in the media the Greatest Quarterback of All Time. However, when you look at the numbers,
Think You Have What It Takes To Play In The NFL? Well, You Don’t.
We see you out there, with your 5:00 am kale smoothies and nonstop hype track featuring Jay-Z’s “Run This Town” eight times in a row. We know how slick you
Dick Butkus On Changing HIs Name From “Phallus Assmooch”
Dick Butkus, testy after years of ridicule for being shafted by an unfortunate name, has decided to officially change his name to Phallus Assmooch. “Whenever I was penetrating the hole,
Dallas Cowboys Place Mike McCarthy On IR
The Dallas Cowboys announced today that they have placed head coach Mike McCarthy on injured reserve, a decision made shortly after team doctors confirmed that the Jason Garrett replacement had
Opinion: Isn’t All Of Football Unnecessary Roughness?
Mark Smithicks, superfan here, and I’ve been thinking. Thinking long and hard. Here are some thoughts that I’ve thought. I think you’ve thought what I’ve thought: We as a society
Bears Fan Enraged By How Genuine And Inspiring It Was To Meet Aaron Rodgers
Returning home from a United Way fundraising event in Madison, Wisconsin, local Rockford, Illinois, native and lifelong Bears fan, Brian Zielinski was devastated to report the overwhelming sense of warmth