FOOTBALL

“Newports, Hennessy, an eighth, and some good dick.”
–Virginia McCaskey, on what goes on in the owners’ box

“I’ll happily join whatever team is willing to have me.”
–Russell Wilson, on forgetting the Panthers exist

Panthers Replace Bryce Young With Ginger-Piece-Of-Shit
The Carolina Panthers have seen enough from former #1 overall pick Bryce Young and are looking to level-up the position. “It’s high time we upgrade behind Center,” said Panthers head

Lincoln Financial Field Announces New Mega Sandwich To Stick In Your Fat Fucking Maw
EAGLES FANS REJOICE! For the Bird’s home opener tonight Lincoln Financial Field has announced a new “Philly Special” Sandwich that’s so big and so mega its creation is specifically for

Andy Reid Out 2-4 Weeks With Chicken Tenderitis
Shocking news out of the Kansas City Chiefs’ organization this morning. Head coach Andy Reid has announced he’s on injured reserve with a 3-4 week expected recovery time with the

Tua Tagovailoa One Concussion Away From US Senate
Tua Tagovailoa was concussed and knocked out of the Bills/Dolphins game last night. A scary scene with many asking the question, “Should he hang it up for good?” Others in-the-know

Lock Up Your Sons: Virginia McCaskey Is Going Off Birth Control
BREAKING: Chicago Bears owner and longtime Chi-Town starlet Virginia McCaskey has announced in a press conference that she will be no-longer on birth control. “I’ve decided, I want to start

How To Protect Yourself And Home During A Raiders Away Game
You’ve got the dip, you’ve got the drinks, but… are you prepared for the national security threat Raiders fans pose to your home? Got a gun – HA! Good luck!

Quiz: Which Green Bay Professional Sports Team Are You?
Green Bay is a LEGENDARY sports town. In fact, they call it “Title Town.” But which of their pro sports teams best defines you? Take our quiz. 1. Do you

Where Is He Now?: Patrick Mahomes
Patrick. Mahomes. Remember that name? Gosh. It feels like yesterday when the star studded QB of KC was on my tv every Sunday. But sadly, time passes. Despite it FEELING






