FOOTBALL

“I’m a harmless individual. Unless you’re Mason Rudolph, whose head I will crush into his neck. Please give my love to your family. Unless you’re Mason Rudolph, whose love for his family I will crush into his neck.”
–Myles Garrett

“It’s about working hard and showing up every day to work.”
–Dak Prescott, when asked if he has a favorite color

Quiz: Which Disappointed NFL Franchise Best Describes Your Sex Life?
Is your sex life more “fourth-and-long” than “Red Zone”? This quiz might not snap your championship drought, but it will shed some light on which NFL team you are in

Hear Us Out: Sex, But With Doug Flutie
We know you haven’t thought about Doug Flutie in 20 years, and when he does cross your mind, it’s not about making sweet, sweet sex with him. Trust us, we

Study: American Football Gaining Popularity Among Britain’s Most Dogshit People
After 15 years of NFL games in London, American football is finally growing in popularity amongst Britain’s most dogshit people. According to a new study published in the renowned sociological

Report: Antonio Brown Beginning To Show Signs Of Early-Onset ‘Being Antonio Brown’
According to a report from ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter, those closest to free agent wide receiver Antonio Brown have privately expressed concern that Brown is displaying signs he may

Big Ten Assures Public Next Sex Abuse Scandal Will Be A Little More Private
The Big Ten issued a statement Monday assuring the public that the next sexual abuse scandal that rocks the conference will be kept a little more private than has been

Report: Aaron Rodgers Mulling Which Team He Wants To Choke For Next Season
After 16 years with the Green Bay Packers, sources close to Aaron Rodgers have confirmed the four-time MVP was strongly considering choking for another franchise next season before ultimately working

Quiz: Were You At A ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ Convention Or A Raiders Game?
Navigating the precarious worlds of various fan bases’ quirks and peculiarities can be difficult — especially when alcohol is involved. That’s why Sports Riot has created a handy quiz to

How These 11 Tranquilizers Can Stop The Rams Offense
Another year. Another mountain of evidence suggesting the Super Bowl bound LA Rams have this year’s unstoppable, killer offense. While the rest of the league struggles to contain them, these






