FOOTBALL
“Too much sports betting, not enough Antiques Roadshow betting.”
–Matt Ryan, on his one problem with FanDuel
NFL Proudly Debuts First-Ever Female Football
Speaking before reporters on Thursday, NFL commissioner Roger Goodell excitedly announced that the league was about to debut its first-ever female football, in what he hoped would be a move
Children’s Hospital Patient Fakes Death To Avoid Russell Wilson Visit
A children’s hospital outside Denver experienced a rash of false self-reported deaths moments before Broncos’ quarterback Russell Wilson was scheduled to visit this past weekend. Doctors at Rocky Mountain Children’s
Feminist Hero: This Man Is Doing Whatever It Takes To Fund Women’s College Volleyball
When the brave young women of the University of Southern Mississippi needed a new state-of-the-art volleyball stadium, the fatcats at the state capitol gave them the cold shoulder. They didn’t
We Apologize In Advance: Here Is What Brownie The Elf Thinks Of DeShaun Watson Accusations
CONTENT WARNING: This article contains an unreserved defense of inexcusable acts of sexual misconduct, as well as pejorative terms for several races, many of which we frankly had never heard
LA Prices Force Chargers To Move Back In With Padres
Embarrassed to abandon their Tinseltown dreams, the Los Angeles Chargers have announced the team has moved back to its hometown of San Diego to live with the Padres. According to
Dedicated Player: Trevor Lawrence Breaks Jacksonville Record With 4 Consecutive Days Sobriety
Out of the 23 starting quarterbacks the Jacksonville Jaguars have had since joining the NFL in 1995, none have ever been as dedicated to their health as Trevor Lawrence. In
Reigning Georgia Bulldog Uga the 10th Survives Coup Attempt By Beffalicious III To Retain Title
Speaking from atop his rawhide throne inside Sanford Stadium, current Georgia Bulldog mascot Uga, tenth of his name, declared that order had been restored following a harrowing near-deposition by longtime
Aaron Rodgers Criticizes Two-Story Psychedelic Octopus For Missing Pass Protection Assignment
Following their playoff hopes being dashed by the Detroit Lions, Aaron Rodgers let loose in a post-game interview as he voiced his frustration with a two-story psychedelic octopus after it