Dabo Swinney Just One More Southern Metaphor From Signing This Five-Star Recruit

The college football world is on edge as Dabo Swinney remains one down-home country metaphor away from signing five-star recruit Jeremiah West.

Today’s National Signing Day has thus far seen the Clemson coach dish out nearly an hour of uninterrupted quaint southern sayings, with analysts expecting him to score his final aphorism soon.

“When it comes to recruits, the grass is always greener when the pavement’s fresh, ain’t that right?” Swinney asked the press moments earlier, who waited with bated breath to see if this colloquialism would be his last. The disappointment was palpable when Swinney followed up with, “and we all know the best player is one whose heart is a thumpin’ gizzard when the cotton’s high.”

“This has been a roller coaster,” West texted to his dad. “Every time we think he’s done, he strings together another folksy phrase. I’m not even sure if half of these are real.”

Unfortunately, Swinney showed no sign of stopping. “He’s faster than a hot knife through butter on a biscuit as the crow flies,” he continued between suspenseful sips of sweet tea. “And like the crow, this really dills my pickle.” 

Update: following over two hours of listening to the coach compare his playstyle to peach cobbler, famous bluegrass artists, and ‘livin’ by a creek,’ West has decided to sign with Florida State.