Articles

Tiger Woods Announces Return To Adultery
The GOAT is back. Tiger Woods, the gallivanting gaslighter of all time, recently let the world know that he’s worked tirelessly to put his monogamy behind him and come back

Report: Most Americans Under 30 Don’t Believe the 1980 Miracle on Ice Happened Without Any Gay Sex
Olympic historians are now facing a “cock-ophany” of naysayers. A recent study has revealed the majority of Gen Z believes the Cold War hockey phenomenon “Miracle on Ice” could not

Pathetic: No One On Women’s Olympic Hockey Team Can Dunk
Team USA officials confirmed Monday that not a single player on the U.S. women’s Olympic hockey roster can dunk a basketball, a revelation some analysts immediately described as “a devastating

Trump Bans Biathletes
With the stroke of his pen, President Trump has changed the identity of the Olympics forever. Flanked by members of the Fellowship of Christian Athletes, Trump signed an executive order

Fans Hoping Jake Paul Fights Cancer Next
The meteoric rise of Jake Paul, YouTuber turned professional fighter, has been marked by wins against many of the sports’ most decorated first-timers. Now fans are clamoring for Paul to

FIFA Peace Prize Modeled After Hands Of Workers Who Died Building Qatar Soccer Stadiums
Following President Donald Trump’s reception of the inaugural FIFA Peace Prize, new information has revealed the trophy to be modeled after the hands of the thousands of migrant workers who

Veteran Who Survived Normandy Invasion Booed For Not Understanding Bongo Cam
A sold-out crowd at UBS Arena turned hostile Saturday night after 98-year-old World War II veteran Harold “Bud” Minter failed to participate in the Islanders’ beloved Bongo Cam, a lighthearted

Jeffrey Epstein’s Number To Be Retired By Nashville Predators
In Nashville on Friday, in a ceremony long anticipated by the Predator community, Jeffrey Epstein had his jersey number retired forever cementing him in Predator fans hearts and on all-time

Trump Reminds Foreign Tennis Stars ‘U.S. Open’ Just The Name Of The Tournament
Donald Trump clarified today that the U.S. Open is exactly what it sounds like: a tennis tournament. Nothing more, nothing less. Speaking to reporters outside the White House, Trump reminded

Potential UFC Showdown Would Be First Fight On White House Lawn Since Mamie Eisenhower Beat the Brakes Off Pat Nixon
Donald Trump’s announcement that a UFC fight may be held on the White House lawn has been met with both roars of enthusiasm and sighs of resignation. However, many Americans

NASCAR Driver Banned From School Drop-Off Again
The engine roars. The Castrol Oil logo glistens on the hood. The tires of the baddest, meanest ’94 Chrysler minivan screech. It’s 7am. And ex-NASCAR driver Jeremiah Richard continues to

BREAKING: Stanley Cup Arrested In Florida For DUI
“Do you even know who I am?” slurred the 133-year-old Stanley Cup to a Broward County patrol officer after being pulled over for DUI late Friday night. According to a

Stephen A. Smith Currently Developing First-Ever Hockey Bad Take
Deep inside ESPN labs, legend Stephen A Smith is concocting a take that he says will “stop the world cold.” Sources close to the situation are confirming that Stephen A,
