Articles
Kurt Cobain’s Corpse Blows Its Head Off Again After Hearing Of Seattle Kraken’s Use Of Nirvana Song To Celebrate Goal In Amazon’s Arena
With the lights out, it’s less dangerous/ Here we are now, entertain us/ I feel stupid and contagious/ Here we are now, entertain us/ A
Eco Win! Qatar Debuts Soccer Stadiums Built Entirely From Recycled Bodies
In one of the boldest moves yet to counteract climate disaster, the president of Qatar’s Government Development Bureau, Rizwan bin Nasir Al-Fayyad, announced on Thursday
The Top 5 Exercises To Turn That Dad Bod Into An Infertile Wasteland
Yes, the pandemic death rates might be thinning, but that beer belly of yours sure isn’t! We say it’s time you ditch the soft, pudgy Dad Bod and
From Gymnastics To Golf: We Rank The Best Sports You Can’t Afford To Play
If you’re poor gutter trash like us at Sports Riot and don’t make seven figures a month, here’s the top five sports your trailer-park piece-of-garbage-ass
Girl Power! Watch The USWNT Absolutely Destroy Yet Another Scrappy Women’s Team From An Oppressive Third-World Country
Highlights from today’s amazing blowout against the small island nation of Tuvalu in the South Pacific prove the US Women’s National Soccer Team has racked
Report: Everyone In Yoga Class Way Ahead Of You
We’re coming to you live from the Bikram Wellness Center on Ventura Blvd., – where honestly – you don’t stand a chance to finish this
BMX Freestyle Event Adds BMX Butterfly And BMX Backstroke
We here at “Xtreme Hella Gnarly Biking Magazine” are stoked to announce that the BMX Freestyle event will be spiced up with Butterfly and Backstroke
Getting Back To Its Roots: 2021 Olympics Will Encourage Athletes To Be Naked And Invade Sparta
In a bid to return the games to their former glory, the International Olympic Committee announced that Tokyo athletes will be encouraged to compete naked,
Gold Medal Replaced With DogeCoin
Since the inception of the modern Olympic Games, gold medals have been awarded to the first place winners of every event. However, the International Olympic
Hear Us Out: The 2021 Olympics But Russia Is Allowed To Compete Under Its Own Name And Putin Gives Me My Wife And Children Back
The world’s trust was shattered when the World Anti-Doping Agency accused Russia of altering thousands of test results and banned the country from using its
2021 Olympic Basketball Starts Off With Stirring Tribute To The Many NBA Players Who Couldn’t Be Bothered To Show Up
In a touching display of affection after a difficult year, the tip-off to the 2021 Olympic Basketball tournament was preceded by a tasteful tribute to
Marathon Runner Not Sure How To Spend Rest Of Afternoon
After winning The Chicago Marathon last week, former Olympic gold medalist Kathrine Switzer told reporters that she has no clue what to do with the rest of her day. “I’ve
Physicists Discover Secret To Making Speed Skater’s Bulge Completely Aerodynamic
In a breakthrough that promises to revolutionize the world of speed skating, researchers at MIT’s distinguished Department of Bulge Studies have finally discovered a way to make the unwieldy crotch
Planet Fitness Founder Reveals There Really Is A Planet Called “Fitness” Where Everything Is A Disgusting Shade Of Purple
The founder of Planet Fitness stunned the world today by revealing that there actually is a planet called “Fitness” several light-years away from the Milky Way galaxy where everything is
