Articles

The Best Martial Arts For Pregnant Women
With babies in their wombs, pregnant women are much larger targets for all attackers—from common muggers to hordes of embittered, machete-wielding samurai Nazis. To defend themselves and their lineage, martial

Hear Us Out: Shut the Fuck Up When I’m Yelling At My Son About Sports
Hey folks, Jimmy LaRue here. I’m 47 years old, a small business owner, and above all, a devoted father. I love my kids with every fiber of my being. That’s

Jeff Bezos Acquires Sports
In a press conference on Thursday, entrepreneurial billionaire and executive chairman of Amazon Jeff Bezos announced a sweeping new venture, reaching a deal with the heads of every single professional,

IOC Punishes Athlete For Not Using Right Kind Of Drugs
Following the suspension of a top olympic athlete for not using the right kind of drugs, the IOC is now speaking out and defending the decision by citing the many

IOC Announces Pacific Garbage Patch To Host 2032 Games
The International Olympic Committee announced this week in a landmark decision that the 2032 Summer Olympics has been awarded to the vast accumulation of man-made debris floating in the ocean

Report: Table Tennis Player Still Not Hooking Up With Anyone At Olympic Village
Despite having lots of game on the miniaturized tennis court, one table tennis player has whiffed time and again in his attempts to hook up with the usually sexually indiscriminate

Opinion: Sure, This Five-Time Olympic Gold Medalist Is Good, But Is He ‘Convince Me To Eat Subway’ Good?
While catching up on my shows last weekend, during a commercial break I saw an ad for Subway sandwiches featuring five-time Olympic gold medalist, Nathan Vera—arguably one of the best

Impressive Display From Olympics Archery Competition Inspires Local Man To Finally Buy A Gun
Following an incredible display of marksmanship from the world’s best archers during the Summer Olympics, local man Burt McKinley, who long felt it unnecessary to acquire a contraption that fires

Michael Phelps Devastated To Learn His Child Was Born Too Proportionate To Be A Swimmer
Michael Phelps received devastating news this past week that his infant son was born far too proportionate to ever compete at the highest level of swimming. Doctors say Michael Fred

Five Drinking Games The IOC Should Add To Spice Up The Summer Olympics
Every four years we get the same old events for the summer Olympics, and after a millennium or two, it’s gotten a bit stale. However, one thing that never gets old

Hear Us Out: Women’s Olympic Beach Volleyball But My Awkward 15-Year-Old Cousin Doesn’t Excuse Himself To Go To His Room After The First Five Minutes
Imagine you’re watching women’s Olympic beach volleyball but keep getting interrupted by a teenager with a history of constantly entering and exiting the room any time there’s an extreme closeup

China Requests IOC Provide Separate Olympic Ghetto For Uighur Athletes
Following disturbing reports of the Uyghur ethnic group being subjected to forced disappearances, torture, and reeducation through labor, China has kindly requested the International Olympic Committee accommodate the persecuted athletes

BMX Freestyle Event Adds BMX Butterfly And BMX Backstroke
We here at “Xtreme Hella Gnarly Biking Magazine” are stoked to announce that the BMX Freestyle event will be spiced up with Butterfly and Backstroke categories this summer at Tokyo.
