Impressive Display From Olympics Archery Competition Inspires Local Man To Finally Buy A Gun

Following an incredible display of marksmanship from the world’s best archers during the Summer Olympics, local man Burt McKinley, who long felt it unnecessary to acquire a contraption that fires bullets instead of arrows, decided it was time to finally buy a gun.

“I have always enjoyed taking my bow and arrow with me everywhere—to eat, shop, and walk around the neighborhood, but it wasn’t until I saw those guys demonstrate how potentially dangerous a bow and arrow is that made me think I need a safer method of protection,” McKinley said, adding that the way the archers pinpointed the bullseye, took out their arrows, positioned it nice and snug on that little string, pulled their string back, took a few more seconds to pinpoint their target again, then released it, made him consider the fear other people may experience if they saw someone with the manual weapon in public.

McKinley, a father of two, purchased his own archery set that he keeps in the nightstand after he was robbed at knifepoint last year but will be replacing it with a .357 Magnum that will be more accessible to everyone in the home for the safety it offers.

“I am terrified that one of my children will hurt themselves playing with a bow and arrow or, God forbid, hurt someone else,” McKinley said, further acknowledging fears that young people are 3D printing ghost archery sets from online blueprints. “It’s become too easy to get these weapons. You can buy one at Walmart without the need for a background check or any type of training. Why can’t people just be satisfied with a gun?”

After purchasing the new weapon, McKinley’s home was ransacked that evening, and the armed intruder killed McKinley with a single arrow to the heart.