Artlicles

Tom Brady Can Come Back From Retirement, So Can My Lazy 82-Year-Old Father
Tom Brady — Excellence. Dedication. Sacrifice. My 82-year old dad? Lazy. Bottom-percentile measurables. Retired since 2007. Tom Brady was only retired for a month, so

4 Key Takeaways From A Wild Night Out With The Guy In The Murray State Mascot Costume
We at Sports Riot like to think we’re a worldly bunch, but nothing could have prepared us for last week’s interview with Dunker the Murray

Daniel Snyder Opens Up Franchise Of Scandal Escape Rooms
On top of owning an NFL franchise, the tirelessly creative Snyder has once again profited from his expert-level skill of escaping scandals by opening a

Star Struck: I Just Met Ray Lewis At Knifepoint And Didn’t Know What To Say
It was Friday night in Miami and I rear-ended the Aston Martin in front of me. When I approached the other car to trade insurance

Adam Schefter Issues Preemptive Apology For Whatever He’s About To Say About Next Athlete’s Death
Following public outcry over his tweet about the death of Pittsburgh Steelers QB Dwyane Haskins, ESPN’s Adam Schefter issued a long-awaited formal preemptive apology for whatever he’s about to say regarding the next major athlete death. “Composing

Proactive Lions First-Round Pick Starts Studying To Get Real Estate License
Miles Campbell grew up dreaming of playing in the NFL. Now, after the Detroit Lions selected him with their first-round pick, the college stalwart

Oops: Rob Gronkowski Fails Concussion Protocol While Perfectly Healthy
While Rob Gronkowski’s status for next season remains in doubt, team doctors confirmed that Rob Gronkowski failed concussion protocol in a standard offseason check up

John Elway’s Dentist Retires At Age 31
After graduating from dental school and putting in five years of constant, round-the-clock work on her only patient, Dr. Maria Otsuka, John Elway’s personal dentist,

Hear Us Out: A Horny Jaguars Coach Who Also Wins Games
With the NFL Draft around the corner all eyes are on the first pick from the Jacksonville Jaguars. With Urban Meyer out, and Doug Peterson

Quiz: Which Disappointing NFL Franchise Best Describes Your Sex Life?
Going into the NFL Draft is your sex life more “fourth-and-long” than “Red Zone”? This quiz might not snap your championship draught, but it will

Hear Us Out: Sex, But With Doug Flutie
We know you haven’t thought about Doug Flutie in 20 years, and when he does cross your mind, it’s not about making sweet, sweet sex

Wow! NFL Star Only 3 Yards Away From Breaking Another Restraining Order
Having already smashed the NFL’s record for Class A misdemeanors, wide receiver Cooper Chase stands only three yards away from breaking an incredible eleventh restraining order in a single season.

JJ Watt Now Arizona’s Youngest White Male
After announcing last week that he would soon become a Cardinal, JJ Watt also became Arizona’s youngest white male at 32 years old. The title was previously held by Kurt

That’s Weird: Why Hasn’t This Raiders Fan Stabbed Me Yet?
I’ve come totally prepared. It’s Sunday, I’m at a bar in Las Vegas, and there’s a Raider’s fan right sitting next to me. Now, there are always variables in any