Articles

Penn State Calls 2025 Season The Most Disgusting Thing To Ever Take Place On Team’s Facilities
After a dismal 6-6 season, the Penn State Athletics Department released a statement to fans and the media addressing the unprecedentedly reprehensible start for the organization. “We here at Penn

Dak Prescott Predicts NFC Championship Run, NFL Reviewing Film For Severe Hit To Head
The blue tent is coming out early this year for Cowboys gunslinger Dak Prescott. After announcing to reporters that America’s Team is “primed for a deep playoff run,” the QB

Aaron Rodgers Demanding To Know Why He’s Not Being Considered For NFL Coach Of The Year
As NFL award battles begin to heat up, the season’s top contenders are all but set. Unless one were to ask Aaron Rodgers, who is yet again furiously insisting he

Sports Riot Update: Our Keyboard Physically Won’t Let Us Type “Fwirst Placet Bearbs”
At Sports Riot, we try to cover the NFL season as closely as possible. However, we’ve run into a bit of a problem: despite them currently leading the NFC North,

Dan Campbell Reminded By Staff He Doesn’t Need To Mercy-Kill Injured Players
Detroit’s artificial turf is quickly becoming a killing field as the Lions’ staff struggles to convince Dan Campbell, a head coach famous for making gutsy calls, that he doesn’t need

Cam Skattebo’s Father Revealed To Be Crash Test Dummy
Ever since Cam Skattebo cannonballed into the NFL with few words and many headbutts, millions of football fans have found unity in one question — “What’s this guy’s deal?” Now,

Jets Announcers Under Mistaken Impression ‘Garbage Time’ Refers To All Four Quarters
Jets radio announcers Bob Wischusen and Anthony Becht spent the entirety of Sunday’s broadcast referring to every moment of play as “garbage time” a term that refers the closing minutes

Manning Family Forcing Arch To Change Last Name To “Leaf”
Squeezing into Arch’s Texas dorm room, family members gathered to deliver some unfortunate news – the sophomore quarterback from a long lineage of excellence will soon be donning a lesser

Punter Wishes Just Once Fans Would Cheer When He Comes Out
Miami Dolphins’ Jake Bailey has had enough. For years, he’s watched offenses, defense, field goal kickers, cheerleaders, army veterans, and inflatable Dolphins all get cheered on an NFL field. Just

Cam Skattebo Gnaws Off Own Foot To Expedite Recovery Time
Giants fans were crushed to see star running back Cam Skattebo go down with a horrifically brutal ankle injury, one that would surely end his season, possibly his career. However,

Ray Lewis Murder Mystery Party All Murder No Mystery
In Baltimore, as the saying goes, there ain’t no party like a Ray Lewis party. Every year, Ray Lewis’ exclusive Ravens-superfan jam is the invite to get. From his “Gone

White House ‘Unsure’ How To Feel About A ‘Christian’ ‘Gonzalez’
The White House is scrambling. Sources close to the Oval Office claim they’re unsure how to process New England’s latest roster report. Their concern: how to explain a “Patriot” with

Woke Nonsense: Fanatics Won’t Sell Me An Aaron Hernandez Jersey
America! The land of the free. The home of the brave. That was, until this past weekend. I ordered, with my hard earned land-of-the-free dollars, an Aaron Hernandez jersey, and
