Ray Lewis Murder Mystery Party All Murder No Mystery

In Baltimore, as the saying goes, there ain’t no party like a Ray Lewis party. Every year, Ray Lewis’ exclusive Ravens-superfan jam is the invite to get. From his “Gone To Heaven” party to his exciting “Knife Throwing” extravaganza, it’s a fiesta that’s guaranteed to slay. This year’s “Murder Mystery” was as anticipated as always. Which is why it was so disappointing when it turned out to be all murder and no mystery.

“It started with this cryptic invitation,” recalled Ed Borowski, season ticket holder since 1996. “It just said ‘You’re cordially invited to Ray Lewis’ exclusive annual gala, NO COPS’ and gave an address. That night a limo, filled with toe tags labeled with the names of current NFL quarterbacks, picked us all up and brought us to Ray’s house.”

“That’s when things really got weird,” added Lana Watkins, season ticket holder since 2000. “Ray opened the door dressed like Sherlock Holmes. He handed out a bunch of envelopes. Some said ‘Survivor’ but then a bunch said, ‘Nice knowing you’. Then the lights would go out, come back on, and a body would be on the floor. It looked so realistic! I think it was all the blood. This happened 3 times. Kind of strange.”

“I mean, we played the game, but it was pretty obvious Ray was the killer,” said “Ravens Roger” Spanoksy, season ticket holder since 1998. “At one point I thought it would be fun to do my famous ‘R-A-V-E-N-S’ chant. Ray ran up and said ‘Hey, the party is just getting started! Haha – no cops, right? Or I’ll kill you! Hahaha!’.”

Lewis ended the night with 3 murders, 18 tackles, 2 sacks, a forced fumble, and a blocked kick. “What a talent,” continued Spanoksy. “And what a party! I mean, not as great as Mike Vick’s Pet Adoption BBQ Fundraiser, but it was still totally killer.”