James Dolan Wins New York Knicks Owner Of The Year Award

James Dolan accepted the “New York Knicks Owner of The Year Award” last night in a lavish ceremony at Madison Square Garden hosted by James Dolan, and attended by employees and reluctant family members of James Dolan, who were contractually obligated to be there.

“There is plenty of competition for this year’s ‘Jimmy,’ but only one can win,” host James Dolan enthusiastically announced from the stage, referencing the award’s nickname, which honors the legacy of James Dolan, the great Knicks and Rangers owner.

Flanked by two large replicas of the shirtless, golden ‘Jimmy’ award, tensions mounted as James Dolan slowly opened the envelope to reveal this year’s lucky recipient was, in fact, James Dolan. 

All eyes were on the winner as a surprised and grateful James Dolan ran to the front row of the Garden amidst scattered applause and then walked back up to the stage, shaking hands with several of his most scared employees along the way.

“Wow! I can’t believe it! It was one thing to be named ‘Defensive Knicks Owner of the Year,’ and ‘Comeback Knicks Owner of the Year,’ but it’s truly an honor to be ‘Knicks Owner of the Year,’” Dolan said, holding back tears. “I’ve only reached these heights because I stood on the shoulders of giants like James Dolan! This is for you Jimmy!”

After being played off stage by house band JD And The Straight Shot, led by frontman James Dolan, the Jimmy winner reportedly got straight to celebrating his 23rd nomination, and win—a Jimmy’s record—in a night of partying with his closest friend, James Dolan. 

To commemorate the occasion, current Knicks Owner, James Dolan, has raised a banner in the rafters and built a statue of James Dolan dunking on Patrick Ewing.