The NBA Finally Allow Female Referees To Rig Games

Feminism scored a big win this week when the NBA announced female referees will finally be permitted to rig games, just as their male counterparts have been doing for decades.

Adam Silver made the historic announcement during a press conference at Glendale Galleria’s Lady Foot Locker in California, after pressure from both women’s rights groups and the NBA referee association.

 “It is my pleasure to announce that, going forward, our seven female referees will also be allowed to openly engage in fixing, favoritism, and manipulating calls in favor of the Lakers, Nets, or whichever team they have money on,” Silver said to a cheering crowd of women wearing pink-knit hats.

The decision follows years of debate among both league officials and players, who questioned whether women have what it takes to rig games at the highest level. “Are females biologically capable of ejecting players for petty reasons?” wondered Stephen A. Smith on First Take. “Can they handle Luka Doncic screaming in their face after calling a charge even though the defender’s feet weren’t set?  

However, for many referees, like the NBA’s first female ref, Violet Palmer, there is no question of ability. “We’re finally acknowledging that women can be just as corrupt bags of shit as men,” the now-retired ref told reporters with tears in her eyes. “I never thought I’d see the day.”

Going forward, the NBA will also consider whether to allow female refs to beat up bookies who try to screw them out of their cut.