How To Host The Perfect Stanley Cup Viewing Party Without Wayne Gretzky Bursting In Uninvited And Criticizing All Of The Plays

The stage is nearly set for the Stanley Cup final, sure to be a grueling series with show-stopping glove saves, mesmerizing toe drags, and unannounced cameos from the Great One himself, who will no doubt be crashing your viewing party again and criticizing all of the plays just like every year.

But could this year be different? With these key tips, you can guarantee your viewing party an uninterrupted 60 minutes of playoff hockey.

Send Invites:

Create a digital event through a social media platform, but remember to change the privacy settings to hide it from Wayne Gretzky if you haven’t already blocked him. Moreover, remind everyone to not invite Wayne Gretzky to the viewing party. He is to watch it alone at his mansion.

Reserved Seating:

Invited guests may come and go to your viewing party, but assigning seats means Wayne Gretzky cannot barge in, find a seat, and nitpick a team’s trapezoid penalty kill strategy the same way he has done since 2013. Until he stops harping on the 1-2-2 forecheck, it’s standing room only, and since he prefers skating to standing, this is guaranteed to keep the Hockey Hall of Famer away from your TV.

Decorate Appropriately:

To properly set the tone, purchase sets of hanging letters to explicitly state that Wayne Gretzky is not allowed to enter the viewing party. These clear boundaries keep open the possibility that Mario Lemieux or even Mark Messier may drop in unannounced, but only because they would like to grab a beer and share some stories, which the invited guests would obviously love to hear.

Use Peppermint Oil:

Mix two cups of Zamboni water with three drops of peppermint oil. Shake and spray around your home’s foundation to create a barrier that not even the greatest player of all time could penetrate. Although you may enjoy the fresh scent of peppermint, Wayne Gretzky absolutely hates how it reminds him of his 143-161-24 coaching record.

IMPORTANT:

If Wayne Gretzky does find a way to slip through the cracks and crawl into your viewing party, remember to stay calm, call Capitals power forward Tom Wilson, and remind Gretzky that his brother Brent is by far the superior player.