Articles
5 Signs You’re Too Ugly To Root For Jimmy Garoppolo
When I first saw Jimmy Garoppolo, I said, “Have mercy! John Stamos is 22 again!” I decided that he’s so attractive that no ugly person should be able to root
Hear Us Out: Sports But With Like Less Commercials (Brought To You By Allstate)
We just had this thought: we all like sports, and we don’t like commercials. So what if we had, like, sports with less commercials? Holy crap! Think about it! You
Rest Of NFL Office Anxiously Watches As Roger Goodell Finally Googles His Own Name
Looking on in horror as their boss decided it was finally time to find out what people really think about him, members of the NFL league office appeared overwhelmed by
Helmet-To-Helmet Collision Leads To Freaky Friday Situation
Following a series of intense arguments culminating in a helmet-to-helmet collision, Drew Brees and Devin Bush flipped bodies midway through today’s game. “This is terrible,” Brees said, realizing he had
Are College Sports Unethical? We Sit Down With Five University Presidents Who Don’t Care
College sports have unjustly come under fire in recent years due to an untold number of alleged ethical issues. To get to the bottom of this, we sat down with
Heisman Potential? This Athlete’s Skills Won’t Translate To Professional Level Football
Heisman candidate, Jonah Bradberry out of Texas Tech, won’t be able to hack it in the NFL. Despite his record-breaking success with 11,287 passing yards and 79 passing touchdowns this
Myles Garrett Picked First Overall In XFL Draft
Citing his clear willingness to take professional football to the next level, currently suspended Cleveland Brown’s defensive end Myles Garrett was selected as the first overall pick in the inaugural
NFL Removes Names From Uniforms To Stop Fans From Getting Attached
The NFL announced today that it plans to remove the names from the backs of all player uniforms in order to prevent fans from growing too attached to individual players.
Garlic Sauce-Covered Papa John Found Screaming ‘Best Friend’ Outside Peyton Manning’s Denver Mansion
Following numerous reports of a gooey, golden man repeatedly screaming, “Best friend! Best friend!” outside of Hall of Fame quarterback Peyton Manning’s Denver mansion, local authorities have confirmed that the
The Stats Don’t Lie: Tom Brady Sucks
Sometimes an athlete gains a bizarre cult following totally unwarranted by their in-game performance. After nearly two decades worth of statistical evidence for Tom Brady, it’s clear that he not
Bill Belichick Returns To Slumber For Next 27 Seasons
The New England Patriots confirmed today that head coach Bill Belichick has returned to slumber in the Gillette Stadium tunnel system for the next 27 seasons. Belichick’s dormancy comes after
NFL Coach Killed In Game During Episode Of “Undercover Boss”
During the season premiere of CBS’s Undercover Boss, Head Coach of the Seattle Seahawks, Allen Fisher, was killed after fielding a punt return in the 2nd Quarter. “We really wanted
Retired NFL Kicker Asks Wife If She Needs Him To Kick Anything Today
Anxious to feel useful for the first time since his retirement from football, sources say that former NFL kicker Peter Neal once again asked his wife if she needs him