Articles
It’s Modern Times: Why Can’t I Inject The NFL Season Into My Brain?
Look, we live IN the future. Just today, I had a new lawnmower delivered and watched the birth of my grandchild on an iPad, so someone needs to tell me
10 Fantasy Quarterbacks You Simply Must Have Stashed On Your Bench
Marcus Mariota: If Derek Carr injures himself again, Marcus Mariota has all the tools you need to be successful: a jersey number, a helmet, and letters that spell a name.
10 People Who Might Play in the NFL This Year
As NFL teams are faced with tough decisions at the end of training camp, there are clear roster battles unfolding across the league. With multiple GMs on the hot seat,
Tom Brady Hospitalized After Accidentally Ingesting 3 Milligrams Of High Fructose Corn Syrup
In a close call that could have been absolutely catastrophic, Tampa Bay quarterback Tom Brady was rushed to the Tampa General Hospital emergency room on Thursday after appearing to have
Chicago Bears Announce Plans To Convert Soldier Field Into Quarterback Cemetery
Invoking the history of devastating loss that has long plagued it, Chicago Bears GM Ryan Poles held a press conference on Monday announcing plans to convert the team’s soon-to-be-former home,
The Next Booger McFarland? This NFL Commentator Doesn’t Know What The Hell Is Going On
Are you ready for football season? Are you ready for the next Booger McFarland? As we all know Booger McFarland’s Monday Night Football stint included fantastical claims such as “Football
Ranking The Top College Pizza Towns By How Fat Their Lineman Are
Salt, acid, heat, and fat linemen – these are four cornerstones required to create a great college pizza town. Yet a definitive list ranking the nation’s college towns by way
Green Bay Packers Stock Buyback Scheme Nets Owners 3.5K Pounds Of Additional Extra Sharp Cheddar
In an effort to improve their financial statements and reduce the amount of cheddar on hand, the Green Bay Packers Board of Directors issued a stock buyback to net each
Yeehaw! Dallas Cowboys Hogtie Themselves Another Losing Season
Howdy, pilgrims! We’ve heard a great bunch ‘a NFL analysts are plumb mad wit’ that yella belly outlaw, Jerry Jones, who ‘parently went on down ta the O.K. Draft Corral
Struggling Actor Considering Joining The NFL To Book More Commercials
After failing to get a callback for the role of an embarrassing dad in an insurance commercial, local actor Donovan Helsen, 36, says he’s considering taking a part-time job as
NFL Offering Counseling To Players Who Recently Died By Suicide
The NFL has set its sights on expanding mental health care by today announcing a new program that offers counseling to players who have recently died by suicide. Beginning as
10 Facts About Patrick Mahomes’ Personal Life That You, A 45-Year-Old Man, Care About For Some Reason
Patrick Mahomes exploded onto the NFL scene, winning an MVP and Super Bowl ring after only two seasons as the starting quarterback for the Kansas City Chiefs, which launched him
Chicago Bears Retire Justin Fields’ Number
With the season over and it obvious Caleb Williams is coming to ChiTown, the Bears did the only thing they could, releasing a statement from GM Ryan Poles calling Fields,