Fuck: Aaron Rodgers Picking Up His Guitar

Aaron Rodgers has reportedly killed the vibe of training camp yet again today after the superstar quarterback halted practice to pick up his acoustic guitar and gather the offense around for an impromptu jam session featuring a medley of elevated cover songs and ‘A-Rod originals’.

“Fuck, we only get 16 padded practices during training camp and we’ve already spent seven of them gathered around a bonfire listening to Aaron butcher ‘Another Brick in the Wall’,” said Davante Adams. “Not to mention last year when he threatened to hold out if we didn’t trade for Allen Lazard because Cobb was the only guy he trusted to sing Lady Gaga’s part in his duet of ‘Shallow’.”

While Rodgers’ song repertoire has evolved over the years, Packers veterans warned that one thing always remained the same: rookies lucky enough to be invited to his training camp singalongs must pass his vibe check or face his wrath.

“Every jam session goes the same way: He tunes his guitar while telling some story about how cats actually domesticated humans, then some moody cover song, and then he screams at a rookie for making him mess up the song,” said running back Breece Hall, shuffling through sheet music he keeps in his playbook. “Last year he played an ‘ironic’ acoustic cover of Me So Horny by 2 Live Crew and he practically ripped Sauce Gardner’s head off because his singing ‘wasn’t believably horny’.

Later during a ‘One Night Only’ concert event on the Pat McAfee Show, Rodgers gave a shout out to Jets Owner Woody Johnson before launching into a his own rendition of, “Fuck the Police” but it’s “Fuck the Robert Saleh.”