Articles

Trump Threatens To Pull Funding From Tight End University
Continuing his battle with institutions of higher education such as Harvard, Columbia, and the historically black Cornerback State, President Trump announced today that he intends to withhold all federal funding

Jets and Sauce Gardner Agree to Four-Year, Five-Win Deal
In a groundbreaking deal for the New York Jets, the team and All-Pro cornerback Sauce Gardner agreed to a deal keeping the star locked in the green abyss for the

Spooked Trevor Lawrence Tells Travis Hunter There’s Still Time To Get Out
Shortly after being drafted second overall by the Jacksonville Jaguars, Heisman trophy winner Travis Hunter was greeted by a startling sight: a terrified and haggard Trevor Lawrence, warning Hunter to

Phew: Justin Tucker Receives Presidential Pardon
There’s a happy ending after all for shiatsu superfan/embattled NFL star Justin Tucker. The world’s greatest foot has been given a hand via a Presidential pardon. “When my assistant told

On Death’s Doorstep: This Running Back Is 29
Family and friends have gathered at Texans training camp to remember Pro Bowl running back Nick Chubb as he enters his seventh season in the league at the age of

Report: Soldier Field Built On Ancient QB Burial Ground
It’s a question older than time itself: Why do Bears quarterbacks always suck? Researchers from the University of Chicago think they’ve finally found an answer. Soldier Field, in fact, was

Hear Us Out: The Carolinas Should Get A Pro Football Team
Okay: We know the Carolinas are college-basketball country, with Duke and UNC men’s in the North and USC women’s in the South. And we know all about the Durham Bulls

NY Jets Announce They Are Moving On From Winning
In a surprising announcement on Sunday, general manager Darren Mougey stated that the New York Jets had pivoted strategies, and were no longer interested in pursuing a future with the

Breaking: Trump Threatens E.U. With More Panthers/Giants Games
President Trump announced Monday that if the E.U. doesn’t submit to his proposed zero-tariff trade policy on imports, he’s prepared to take extreme measures. For two days Trump went silent

Breaking: This Football Doesn’t Have A Penis Or Vagina, And That’s Wrong
While shopping for my big Eagles-Chiefs party this Sunday, I decided to go all-out and buy a commemorative Super Bowl XIL football. “This would really impress the guys,” I told

We’re Finally Ready To Reveal Our Picks For NFC/AFC Championship
At Sports Riot, we’re nothing but thorough. We subscribe to the “measure nine times, cut once because we’re too legit to quit” mantra popularized by former Falcons coach Jerry Glanville.

Strange: Robert Kraft Says He’s Been Watching “Squid Game” Since 1997
Sources close to Patriots owner Robert Kraft were invited for a “royal” breakfast to inquire further upon the billionaire’s comment about watching “Squid Game” as far back as 1997, early

Breaking: Replay Confirms Referee Is A Dumb Piece Of Shit
A highly competitive Divisional Round game ground to a halt last weekend after a prolonged replay officially confirmed what every person in attendance already knew in their hearts: that this
