Breaking: Replay Confirms Referee Is A Dumb Piece Of Shit

A highly competitive Divisional Round game ground to a halt last weekend after a prolonged replay officially confirmed what every person in attendance already knew in their hearts: that this referee was a real dumb piece of shit.

“Now here’s a guy that’s a few backups short of a practice squad— this is clearly not a penalty to anyone with a brain, but this ref’s slower than chunky Travis Kelce trudging for a first down,” said Troy Aikman, rubbing his temples while waiting for the call. “The Replay Officials in New York appear to be explaining how football works to the ref with educational hand puppets.”

Sports Riot wasn’t satisfied – so we dug deeper during the break. Far inside the Sports Riot film laboratory we confirmed what Joe Buck was about to say to the nation.

“Just look into the vacant eyes of this dumb son of a b*tch, it’s like you can see his JUGS machine spinning but it stopped firing footballs a long time ago, ” said Joe Buck, raising his voice over the frenzied cheering of the crowd. “It’s a good thing this neanderthal has a load-bearing forehead because his empty skull is clearly providing no structural support and would have otherwise collapsed under the weight of this simple decision.”

Despite the fact that the referee’s hollow bird head was softer than the NFL’s “we don’t rig games” defense, sources were able to confirm that he would be refereeing all Chiefs games for the rest of the season.