Articles

NFL Unveils New Cryogenic Chambers For Fans To Freeze Themselves Until August
With the NFL Draft’s first round complete, the National Football League has announced an incredible new offseason product for diehard football fans. The league’s patented cryogenic chambers, available soon on

Oops: Rob Gronkowski Fails Concussion Protocol While Perfectly Healthy
While Rob Gronkowski’s status for next season remains in doubt, team doctors confirmed that Rob Gronkowski failed concussion protocol in a standard offseason check up again despite being perfectly healthy.

John Elway’s Dentist Retires At Age 31
After graduating from dental school and putting in five years of constant, round-the-clock work on her only patient, Dr. Maria Otsuka, John Elway’s personal dentist, has announced she will be

Hear Us Out: A Horny Jaguars Coach Who Also Wins Games
With the NFL Draft around the corner all eyes are on the first pick from the Jacksonville Jaguars. With Urban Meyer out, and Doug Peterson in the entire NFL community

Quiz: Which Disappointed NFL Franchise Best Describes Your Sex Life?
Is your sex life more “fourth-and-long” than “Red Zone”? This quiz might not snap your championship drought, but it will shed some light on which NFL team you are in

Hear Us Out: Sex, But With Doug Flutie
We know you haven’t thought about Doug Flutie in 20 years, and when he does cross your mind, it’s not about making sweet, sweet sex with him. Trust us, we

Study: American Football Gaining Popularity Among Britain’s Most Dogshit People
After 15 years of NFL games in London, American football is finally growing in popularity amongst Britain’s most dogshit people. According to a new study published in the renowned sociological

Report: Antonio Brown Beginning To Show Signs Of Early-Onset ‘Being Antonio Brown’
According to a report from ESPN NFL insider Adam Schefter, those closest to free agent wide receiver Antonio Brown have privately expressed concern that Brown is displaying signs he may

Big Ten Assures Public Next Sex Abuse Scandal Will Be A Little More Private
The Big Ten issued a statement Monday assuring the public that the next sexual abuse scandal that rocks the conference will be kept a little more private than has been

Report: Aaron Rodgers Mulling Which Team He Wants To Choke For Next Season
After 16 years with the Green Bay Packers, sources close to Aaron Rodgers have confirmed the four-time MVP was strongly considering choking for another franchise next season before ultimately working

Quiz: Were You At A ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ Convention Or A Raiders Game?
Navigating the precarious worlds of various fan bases’ quirks and peculiarities can be difficult — especially when alcohol is involved. That’s why Sports Riot has created a handy quiz to

How These 11 Tranquilizers Can Stop The Rams Offense
Another year. Another mountain of evidence suggesting the Super Bowl bound LA Rams have this year’s unstoppable, killer offense. While the rest of the league struggles to contain them, these

Detroit Lions Advance To Super Bowl Watch Party
After a tumultuous playoff run, the Detroit Lions have officially advanced to the Super Bowl Watch Party. Fans and players alike are rejoicing after a hard-fought NFC Championship Watch Party.
