Jacksonville Residents Gather To Debate Length Of Two-Minute Warning

Now that the football season is finally over, Jacksonville’s brightest minds met at city hall to debate the most important issue of their time: exactly how long is the two minute warning?

“This is a big deal,” said Duval native Theodore “Pubes” Bush. “Every game, they make us stop for the ‘two minute warning’. Then, without warning, they start playing again. Someone has to get to the bottom of this.”

The assembly began with a recap of last week’s meeting notes. Note 1; ‘Blake Bortles. Damn, remember him?’ Deliberation on note 1 took up the majority of the meeting. However, like all previous attempts to solve the two minute warning, this was where they got stuck.

“Note one was easy. That’s something everybody in Jacksonville knows like the back of their hand. We didn’t even have to write it down,” Bush explained. “The problem is, we can’t find a single Jacksonville resident that can read the notes.”

It seemed like all hope was lost. However, after two days of intense deliberation and several stabbings, the residents of Jacksonville finally came to a conclusion: the Jaguars are winning the super bowl.