Mike Vrabel Asks Players If They Wouldn’t Mind Him Crashing In The Locker Room For A Few Weeks

After an alleged “innocent friendship” with reporter Diana Russini landed Mike Vrabel’s belongings on his front lawn, the New England Patriots head coach needed a place to rest his weary head for a spell. And sources state the head coach has set his sights on a familiar location–his professional football team’s own locker room–to call home. All that was left was to get the green light from his players to crash in the facility.

“When Coach asked me, I said yes of course. I mean who wouldn’t want to live here?!” said a wide-eyed Drake Maye excitedly. “Ann [Michael Maye, Drake’s wife] wasn’t too keen on it though. She thinks he’s a bad influence. But once I promised I’d limit staying out late with him to once a week, she was good!”

“I told them they wouldn’t even know I’m here,” Vrabel told reporters in a conference on Wednesday while sporting a five-o’clock shadow, a bathrobe and bunny slippers. “They had some conditions of course. Don’t touch their stuff, pony up some rent money… also always put a jersey on the door when I have a ‘friend’ over.”

Cornerback Christian Gonzalez still isn’t sold on the arrangement. “He’s got an office, I don’t know why he can’t just live there. I already thought he lived there anyway. And it’s rough to come in for a 6am treatment and see him in the film room watching his soon-to-be previous marriage’s wedding day.”

 UPDATE: A Gillette Stadium janitor, speaking on the condition of anonymity, has since relayed that things weren’t so rosy for Vrabel. “I was mopping the floors the other night and saw him wandering around in his old jersey and underpants, drunk as a Gronk, singing along to Creed. That guy is hurting. But fortunately this one reporter friend of his showed up at like 2 in the morning and he perked right up.”