Vrabel Vows To Only Focus On Football Scandals

In a defiant press conference Tuesday, Mike Vrabel vowed to narrow his focus exclusively to football-related scandals, declaring that “ I am bringing everybody down with me, but strictly within the framework of the sport of football and nothing more.”

“I’m done with distractions,” Vrabel said, staring directly into a camera that did not belong to him or his team. “From now on, I’m only investigating football scandals. You think personal life can’t be zone-blitzed? It can. And it will. I’m looking at YOU Shanahan.”

League insiders report Vrabel has assembled a defense tasked with digging into suspicious headset malfunctions, unexplained draft slides, and what he described cryptically as “Shanahan irregularities.”

“You think your life is safe?” Vrabel continued. “You think your texts are safe? You think I can’t send pressure off the weak side of your alibi?”

Sources confirm Vrabel has been diagramming reputational blitz packages on a whiteboard, complete with arrows labeled “Leak,” “Anonymous Source,” and “Sudden Ethics Review.”

Coaches around the league expressed concern. “I thought this was about football,” one NFC assistant said. “Now he’s asking what I was doing in 2017.”

Vrabel insisted this is not revenge, but discipline. “I’m locking in,” he said. “If I go down, we’re all reviewing tape.”