Report: Success Of Wembanyama Leads NBA Teams To Search For Tall Guys Who Shoot Basketball

Heading to the NBA Finals for the first time with his 7’4” frame and exceptional ball handling skills, Victor Wembanyama has become one of the NBA’s elite talents. This has led to a revolutionary shift in scouting strategy: As copycat leagues tend to do, NBA owners seem to be leaning heavily into this unorthodox new trend of finding men of unreasonable height that can also excel at the game of basketball. 

Although initially skeptical, scouts from all 30 NBA teams have been trotting the entire globe with this revolutionary scouting strategy.

“I thought I found one once, unfortunately it was Muggsy Bogues standing on Spudd Webb’s shoulders. The fake mustache tipped me off,” said Dennis McKinnon, senior scout for the Miami Heat. “And then in China, I thought I actually nailed it. ‘A real person!’ I said. Turned out to be Yao Ming. And he wasn’t interested in playing again.”

League-wide, scouts have been meeting with experts for months now who tell them things to look for in this new basketball player gold rush, such as extreme height and the ability to play basketball. In an exclusive, Sports Riot was able to secure a copy of a brand new scouting report now being utilized, consisting of only two checkboxes that say “TALL” or “NOT TALL.”

“This Victor Wembanyama thing was really a wake up call. We realized NBA scouts were all wrong in their approach,” said Dr. Bruce Andrews, Professor of NBA Skyscraping Humans at MIT, “There are multiple variables in these players that were previously unconsidered. For instance, we recently learned that Victor Wembanyama comes from France.”

Upon hearing this, every NBA scout was dispatched to Paris to sign the next great NBA player. After believing they really found the next great NBA player, they soon realized they were trying to sign the Eiffel Tower.