Articles
“Cole Hocker” And 3 Other Olympian Names That Made Us Just A Little Horny
This “Cole Hocker” has us a little worked up. That name – damn. Who else’s olympic flag is at full mast? It’s not just Hocker, though. There’s a few other
We Pay Tribute To The 5 Greatest Athletes Out Of North Korea
It is our privilege to be selected by HUMANE AND GRACIOUS LEADER to compile the finest list of our homeland’s greatest athletes. Here are North Korea’s (and the universe’s) best
All You Uncultured Sluts Watched The New Deadpool Movie Over The Olympics. We Did Too, Here’s Our Review.
If you’re reading this, we know who you are. More importantly “what” you are. The assignment was simple. Watch the Olympics. Have a smear of class. But you couldn’t. All
How 5 Underdog Circles Became The Olympic Rings We Know Today
Blue, black, red, yellow, green. Sure, we recognize them NOW as the cosmopolitan Olympic rings, palling around at international soirees, taking selfies, and linking arm-in-arm to represent strength and achievement.
Barack Obama and 5 Other Olympic Snubs
Despite leading our country for two terms as President, smoking weed in college, and killing Bin Laden, former president Barack Obama was not asked, dare we say “snubbed”, the ultimate
Opinion: I’m No Fan Of The Olympics, But I Don’t Think Killing The Athletes Is A Reasonable Alternative
Remember the 1972 Olympics? Jeez – those were the good ole days. Remember when only 11 of the 7,134 athletes were murdered? I have a particular bone to pick with
Embracing His Heritage: Michael Phelps Embarks On Birthright Trip
According to aquatic sources, 23 time Olympic winner, Michael Phelps, feeling the need to be around his family, has embarked on his annual pilgrimage. Although it is an arduous journey
Olympics “Anti-Sex” Beds Imported From Sport Riot Readers’ Bedrooms
YOU’RE A HERO!! In one of the country’s most inspiring acts of patriotism, Sports Riot readers have answered the call to send their sex–repelling beds to the brave athletes fighting
Disappointing: Opening Ceremony Just Leads To Olympics
I, Jimmy LaRue, am a red blooded American man. Do I like pomp and circumstance? Like apple pie, I do. So when I heard France was throwing some extravagant televised
‘Air Bud: Fur-mula 1’ Goes Through Record 30th Stunt Dog
It doesn’t say anywhere in the rule books that a dog can’t drive a car, but at least for union officials at SAG-AFTRA, there might be a rule soon, as
Cult Starting To Feel Like A Yoga Class
As concerned initiates of the Sacred Messengers of Isaiah religious cult were silently led from the Main Compound into an indoor dance studio smelling suspiciously like patchouli oil, they noted
We Give Up: What Do YOU Think Happened In Tennis This Week?
We turned on tennis last week and we’ll admit it: intrusive thoughts of driving our Volvo Hybrid off local cliff “Satan’s Gorge” dominated our cerebrum. So. Here we are. Did
Report: Edmonton Oilers To Be Electric By 2040
Coming off the heels of a Stanley Cup Finals loss to the Florida Panthers last night, the Edmonton Oilers have announced a brighter, newer future. In an effort to become
