Down To Earth: These Champion Thoroughbreds Eat From A Slop Bucket, Just Like You And Me

One would think Kentucky Derby superstars like American Pharaoh, Wise Dan, or California Chrome would look down their white-striped noses at anything less than the finest apples and oats. But you’d be surprised to learn these champion thoroughbreds still eat cold slop out of buckets, just like you and me.

The thought almost makes a regular man like myself think that I could win the Triple Crown. After all, these million dollar horses wake up, go to sleep, and eat food sludges and corn middlings out of a rusty pail like the rest of us. They’re not rolling up to Morton’s Steakhouse or trotting over to Charlie Trotters. Instead, they’re enjoying lukewarm slop while naked on all fours, face-first in a vat next to a saltlick like every Tom, Dick, Harry, and me.

And the buckets these thoroughbreds are using aren’t made of gold or silver like you’d expect. No sir. They’re the plain old metal, or even plastic, ones you’d see at the Farm and Fleet. All dented and dusty. The kind you’d buy for yourself or your little ones to enjoy a fine helping of oat slurry and agricultural waste out of after a hard day’s work of running in circles and batting away flies from your anus.

This whole notion got me thinking about other elite athletes. Maybe these icons are more down-to-earth than I assumed, too. And, turns out, they are! Steph Curry? Warm slop to start the day. Simone Biles? Cold slop the night before tumbling. Tom Brady? From what I read, almost exclusively some sort of diet avocado slop.

Just imagine: You and Secretariat and Seabiscuit and Dan Marino have more in common than you think. Their humility is truly an inspiration. And if you didn’t think they were down-to-earth enough, it turns out these thoroughbred horses also relieve their bowels, breed, and lop up their own filth in public. Just like all of us!