Quiz: Are You Wealthy And Inbred Enough To Sit In The Front Row Of The Kentucky Derby?
This year’s Kentucky Derby promises to attract all sorts of folks to Louisville’s Churchill Downs, but only a select few have what it takes to nab front-row seats. Here’s a quiz for you to find out if your financial portfolio is diverse enough and (equally importantly) your DNA profile is homogeneous enough to sit in one-of-the-most, nay, THE most exclusive and coveted seats in all of horse racing!
- What is your favorite alcoholic drink?
A) Coors Light
B) Mint Juleps
C) Moonshine
D) Both B & C
- What do your children call you?
A) Dad
B) Father
C) Uncle Bro
D) Both B & C
- Who is your grandfather?
A) A coal miner
B) A CEO
C) Your grandmother’s cousin
D) Both B & C
- What is your favorite kind of hat?
A) Ballcap
B) Ornate sunhat
C) Protective helmet
D) Both B &C
- Horses?
A) I love to watch them race
B) I love to watch them dance
C) I love to watch them f*ck
D) Both B & C
ANSWERS:
Mostly A’s: Sorry, you are common Appalachia trash with too much genetic diversity to be anywhere else but partying in the infield with the other depraved normies.
Mostly B’s: You’re rich enough to sit in the Grandstand but lack the heritable abnormalities to be allowed to see the horsies up-close.
Mostly C’s: You are too inbred to read this and were banned from Churchill Downs years ago.
Mostly D’s: Congrats!! You’re not inbred, you’re purebred. And you have the generational wealth of centuries of slave labor to compensate for all your unfortunate recessive traits. You may enjoy the decadence of the front-row wearing the ole dumb attire only an inbred person with money could and would think looks good!
