Articles

World’s Sports Fans Shrug, Begin Reading Dostoevsky
With the threat of coronavirus cancelling or postponing almost the entirety of the world’s sporting events this month, fans of sports worldwide have largely responded with a collective shrug and

Watch Out! Small Guy With Tattoos Probably Knows MMA Moves
Sparing fans and teammates from what was sure to be a gruesome display of violence, pitcher Sean Clark decided to ignore his manager’s signal to bean a batter when he

U.S. Olympic Team Unveils Throwback British Uniforms
Speaking in front of a brightly lit display case on Thursday, United States Olympic & Paralympic Committee head Susanne Lyons announced a bold new look in the U.S. team’s uniforms,

John Daly Sets Record For Longest Drive-Thru Order
Spectators at a local Wendy’s were treated to more than Frosties yesterday when John Daly smashed the record for longest drive-thru order after clinching 350 menu items at the staggering

Hear Us Out: An All-Animal Olympics
The Olympics have always had a strict “non-human” policy, but does it need to be that way? Why are human beings from Malaysia allowed to participate in the games when

Yikes, Is This Even Legal? Teen Goes into Cardiac Arrest While Running the Mile
When parents send their children to school, they expect teachers and staff to act in the best interest of their little ones, so when news broke about a teen suddenly

Undefeated Lightweight Champion Still No Match For Buffy The Vampire Slayer
After an impressive 17-0 start to his career, lightweight boxer Juan Calera has earned both the adoration of fans and the respect of his peers. Despite his success, boxing experts

New Women’s Fly Fishing Vest To Include 14 Fake Pockets
In what many are calling the dawn of a new age in women’s sporting apparel, Bass Pro Shops has unveiled the world’s first fly fishing vest for female fishers, complete

Study: Talent No Match For Hard Work And Performance Enhancing Drugs
Sport scientists around the world are in a state of collective surprise following yesterday’s groundbreaking finding that athletes who compete using only their God-given talent are significantly worse at their

Please Help: Is This Hockey Article in French or Canadian?
Excusez-moi Pierre-Edouard Bellemare, but the Montreal Canadiens offense is past the blue line s’il vous plait and on a power play. After a stolen saucer pass, merci beaucoup, the Avalanche

NASCAR Would Be Way More Exciting if Cars Raced in a Square
By Bobby “Big Bucks” O’Leary, Sports Riot Senior NASCAR Contributor I love stock car racing as much as the next guy, but after watching these beautiful machines race around in

Satanists Outraged Over Offensive Nature Of New Jersey Devils Mascot
After receiving hundreds of angry letters, emails, and tweets in the past week alone, it has become clear to the New Jersey Devil’s front office that Satanists are deeply offended

Retired Synchronized Swimmer Not Sure What To Do With Newfound Individuality
Newly retired synchronized swimmer Valerie Brandt has admitted she’s unsure how to swim with her newfound individuality. During a one-on-one interview with Sports Riot, Brandt opened up about the challenges
