Articles

Hear Us Out: An All-Animal Olympics
The Olympics have always had a strict “non-human” policy, but does it need to be that way? Why are human beings from Malaysia allowed to participate in the games when

Yikes, Is This Even Legal? Teen Goes into Cardiac Arrest While Running the Mile
When parents send their children to school, they expect teachers and staff to act in the best interest of their little ones, so when news broke about a teen suddenly

Undefeated Lightweight Champion Still No Match For Buffy The Vampire Slayer
After an impressive 17-0 start to his career, lightweight boxer Juan Calera has earned both the adoration of fans and the respect of his peers. Despite his success, boxing experts

New Women’s Fly Fishing Vest To Include 14 Fake Pockets
In what many are calling the dawn of a new age in women’s sporting apparel, Bass Pro Shops has unveiled the world’s first fly fishing vest for female fishers, complete

Study: Talent No Match For Hard Work And Performance Enhancing Drugs
Sport scientists around the world are in a state of collective surprise following yesterday’s groundbreaking finding that athletes who compete using only their God-given talent are significantly worse at their

Please Help: Is This Hockey Article in French or Canadian?
Excusez-moi Pierre-Edouard Bellemare, but the Montreal Canadiens offense is past the blue line s’il vous plait and on a power play. After a stolen saucer pass, merci beaucoup, the Avalanche

NASCAR Would Be Way More Exciting if Cars Raced in a Square
By Bobby “Big Bucks” O’Leary, Sports Riot Senior NASCAR Contributor I love stock car racing as much as the next guy, but after watching these beautiful machines race around in

Satanists Outraged Over Offensive Nature Of New Jersey Devils Mascot
After receiving hundreds of angry letters, emails, and tweets in the past week alone, it has become clear to the New Jersey Devil’s front office that Satanists are deeply offended

Retired Synchronized Swimmer Not Sure What To Do With Newfound Individuality
Newly retired synchronized swimmer Valerie Brandt has admitted she’s unsure how to swim with her newfound individuality. During a one-on-one interview with Sports Riot, Brandt opened up about the challenges

Female Figure Skater Much Colder Than She’s Letting On
Complaining the frigid temperatures caused by the large ice rink were largely responsible for his team failing to win the gold medal, mixed pairs figure skater Lance Stinson believes his

Report: Still Feels A Little Weird Rooting For Germany At The Olympics
Millions of American fans have reported feelings of strange disquiet in their soul after being forced to cheer on the German field hockey team in their last game against Great

Cool Kid On Hockey Team Skips Second Period
By Sam Strahp, Middle School Sports Reporter Top-scoring hockey player and very cool person Trent Villanueva was seen skipping second period during last night’s hockey game, raising significant questions about

WWE Pivots To New Format Where Wrestlers Talk Through Differences
After decades of using violent, chaotic acts to determine the better person, WWE will pivot to a new format where Wrestlers will use their works to talk through their differences.
