Satanists Outraged Over Offensive Nature Of New Jersey Devils Mascot

After receiving hundreds of angry letters, emails, and tweets in the past week alone, it has become clear to the New Jersey Devil’s front office that Satanists are deeply offended by the team’s mascot.

The Devil’s logo, a playful, 7-foot, red humanoid with horns appears to have outraged devout Occultists from across the country. “Excuse me?” wrote @DevilHorns666, “Satan doesn’t skate around on ice. He devourers souls for all eternity!” 

The movement took off when #SatanistsArePeopleToo started trending on Twitter. Since then, social media has been abuzz with indignant followers of the fallen angel. As one Twitter user, @IveHadSexOnAPentogram threatened, “Until this disgusting depiction of Lucifer is destroyed, we will summon beasts that haven’t walked this Earth in millennia.”

Many tweets, like @SatanScholar’s argue that the ideological and philosophical beliefs infringed upon by the mascot are such that Satanism, at its core, is a heretical sect of Christianity which worships an omnipotent deity as symbol for humanity, which was brilliantly encapsulated in the scholar’s, “ALL HUMANS WILL COME TO AN END!”

On Friday, New Jersey Devils Mascot’s Twitter account replied to all the commotion, writing, “I am the one true Satan, Lucifer, Beelzebub, and you WILL NOT QUESTION ME! Worshippers, in preparation for Friday night, direct your hatred toward the New York Rangers. #DevilsVersusRangersOnNBCSports”