John Daly Sets Record For Longest Drive-Thru Order

Spectators at a local Wendy’s were treated to more than Frosties yesterday when John Daly smashed the record for longest drive-thru order after clinching 350 menu items at the staggering speed of 215 meals per hour.

The world-class performance included over 145 birdies from the Tender Juicy Chicken menu, 82 double- and triple-bogey burger combo meals, 14 Arnold Palmers, and 109 breakfast links. Avoiding water and the rough greens, Daly managed to come in at 75,000 calories over par.

Daly wasted no time teeing off his meal with the Asiago Chicken Ranch Club while still ordering.

“In classic form, Daly gripped the club and ripped it powerfully right up into his mouth for a whopping whole-in-one bite,” a drive-thru attendant told reporters.

Though five Triple-With-Cheese bogies threatened to set Daly back with a quadruple coronary incident, Daly still managed to power through to make birdie at the par-5 Baconator and eagle-2 at the par-4 Son of Baconator.

Daly faced other challenges when the honking and shouting of the many fans that had gathered in a long line of cars behind Daly’s golf cart forced several ordering errors. After instructing the crowd to play through, however, Daly rounded out the final back #9 combo meal to set the record.

Wendy’s workers awarded Daly’s accomplishment at the pick-up window with a giant receipt, which the golfer hoisted above his head in triumph.

Daly plans to relish his victory with the provided condiment packets.