Undefeated Lightweight Champion Still No Match For Buffy The Vampire Slayer

After an impressive 17-0 start to his career, lightweight boxer Juan Calera has earned both the adoration of fans and the respect of his peers. Despite his success, boxing experts insist he’d have no chance of winning a fight with Buffy “The Vampire Slayer” Summers. “Juan Calera is one of the best lightweight boxers of this era, but I’ve seen Buffy kill 20 vampires at once. You can’t compare them,” said Stephen A. Smith on First Take.

Since entering professional boxing last year, Buffy has been a source of controversy, having killed all 12 fighters she’s faced. “Some people call her ‘dirty’ but that’s just because they’re scared,” said Buffy’s trainer Rupert Giles, going on to express doubt at Juan’s ability to hurl opponents 30 feet in the air, much less turn them into ash.

While Juan acknowledged Buffy’s stellar resume, he remains confident he will be the one to take her down. “She can throw as many cloves of garlic at me as she wants, I love the stuff.” When asked whether he was worried about the signature wooden stakes Buffy uses to pierce the hearts of her foes, Calera simply responded “Sure, but has she ever faced a southpaw?”